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So there’s this guy. He schmoozes around on the internet like snot schmoozes through the fingers of a three year old whose hands do double duty as Kleenex, billing himself as a dating expert for successful women who are lonely and convinces them to give him money in exchange for really bad dating advice. Oh, and he also writes a dating blog. Mister fella’s name is Evan Marc Katz (or EMK, as he is commonly called) and he is a douche, and I know this because I read his blog on the regular. Thanks to his completely shitty and depressing advice and the gaggle of MRA [1] goobers who insist on frequenting the comments section, the general mood of the blog is super duper gross and obnoxious and decidedly anti-female. He doesn’t like it when people call him on his bullshit so good luck trying to do that on his turf, which is why I’ve chosen to do it on my turf. So put on your tallest shit-stomping boots before we walk through this mess, because trust me, you’re gonna need em.
In this, the first in a series [2] of posts about EMK, we’re going to examine his general (unspoken, of course, because he can’t just come right out and say he hates women and believes them to be inferior) philosophy, which is that women today are failing in relationships because economic independence and changing social mores allow us, to a certain extent, to go about our lives acting like regular humans instead of accepting our natural role as submissive little dimwits whose primary purpose in life is to serve men, fuck them on demand, raise their children, and basically wipe their asses for them. Thanks to the efforts of women’s rights movements over the last several decades, we’re relatively independent and (apparently) the poor men just don’t like it when we get to do our lives on our terms, and this is why so many of us can’t seem to find ourselves a man. He tells us that this problem is ours to fix (as opposed to telling men to grow the fuck up and get over it), and that the way to fix it is to embrace our “feminine” energy (‘femininity’ being that which is comprised of certain specific human characteristics and behaviors which anyone could posses but that men have self-servingly decided are female-specific anyway). Wherever you hear talk of masculine or feminine anything, you should run like hell because, as we’ve previously discussed, this sort of nonsense never, ever bodes well for women. Things don’t happen in vacuums, kiddos. The manchine known as the patriarchy is alive and well and EMK is a greasy mutherfuckin’ cog in it.
For starters, let’s visit the part of his blog where he tries to fear monger the shit out of us into buying one of his books. Here’s some of what the overstuffed little blowhard has to say about how we’re doin’ it wrong:
First of all, it’s not your fault that you don’t understand men. There are no high school or college classes on this subject, no dating Masters degrees that you can put on your wall.
First of all this is idiotic because no woman is ever going to understand men, because men are not all the same. Just as all women aren’t the same. Because in reality, all this talk of gendered behavior is bullshit. But that doesn’t matter in EMK’s world, where hot air goes to flourish and brain cells go to die. And so here we are.
As an intelligent woman, you’ve probably even noticed patterns in your behavior. Your attraction to cute, charismatic alpha males. Your aversion to nice guys who bore you. Your desire to find a man who is taller, smarter, more generous, and more successful than you. Your refusal to settle with the wrong guy, no matter what.
Did I mention the over-abundance of hot air? It’s not necessarily that women desire taller men (and it’s certainly not an innate preference in any case), it’s that many men refuse to date women who are taller than themselves because it makes them feel “emasculated” (and I won’t even get into what a stupid fucking concept that is). Likewise, many men don’t like it when their female partners are smarter and/or more successful than they are, because men have been conditioned to believe that the male half of the species is the superior one and a lot of men don’t like having women around whose superior intellect and/or economic standing serve as constant reminders that maybe this isn’t necessarily the case. But sure, EMK. Let’s pin this one on women as some sort of character defect we posses in order to justify yelling at us for having the nerve to refuse to settle for the wrong guy. That doesn’t sound completely moronic at all!
As a mildly amusing aside, the poor little guy must’ve been really unpopular with the ladies at some point in his life because he sounds kind of bitter about women’s freedom to refuse to settle for boring old dry toast when there are so many bright and tasty pop-tarts to pick from.
His entire blog revolves around the idea that men loathe strong, opinionated women, and that, because of this, no matter how badass we might otherwise be, when it comes to men and relationships, we’d better be sweet and submissive and sit around blowing bubbles or some shit while waiting for them to take complete control:
Men win you over by giving to you. We ask you out. We call you. We pay for dates. We initiate sex. We ask for commitment. We propose marriage. We give. You receive. Reverse this order by asking him out, initiating sex, asking for commitment, or proposing marriage, and a masculine guy will feel, well, emasculated. Thus, if you want a masculine guy, your greatest move is to embrace your passive feminine side.
What EMK is advocating is male control and leadership in dating and relationships. His entire ideology, right down to the language he uses, echoes the male-headship rhetoric that has become so popular in the conservative christian community (both online and off) as a way to fight back against the dreaded progressivism (ewww, equality!!!!yuck!!!) that’s gained a lot of ground in the last dew decades.
Think about that for a minute. In advocating for the right of men to control the terms of the relationship, he is literally advocating for the right of men to exercise control over their partners. He is literally trying to scare the shit out of lonely women by telling them that if they don’t bow the fuck down to men and do relationships strictly on the man’s terms then they will spend the rest of their lives alone.
This is not okay.
__________________________________________________________________
[1] what the hell is an MRA? Well I’m glad you asked.
[2] given my ridiculously short attention span as it pertains to this blog, you may or may not actually ever hear anything about him from me again.
blog post edited on 4/18/15
see also: EMK: Want a man? Then slap a smile on it, cupcake!
Tim said:
Hey Miranda. I don’t know how I landed on this post…but…from a guys perspective…you sound damn bitter. And I’m guessing I NEED TO BE HIT WITH A CLUE-BY-FOUR, huh? I don’t even know WHAT THE FUCK I’M TALKING ABOUT. But I’d say from reading above, THAT I’M A TOTAL DOUCHE. I’m not looking to date someone with qualities of a man. I’ve got plenty of friends to hang out with that give me more than enough of that crap. I’d love to find MY DOODLEBUG BECAUSE I SEEM TO HAVE LOST IT. And if those areas are considered, God forbid, “feminine”, WAH WAH WAH I’M A WHINY TROLL WHERE’S MY DOODLEBUG??!!. The more I TALK THE STUPIDER I SOUND. Thanks to your type of HEY, THERE’S MY DOODLEBUG!!!!, these women are becoming increasingly INTOLERANT OF MY DOUCHINESS. And your type of women constantly complain that guys disappear or don’t call after dates, etc.? Probably because he doesn’t want to date another dude. Go ahead, tell me to fuck off. Just telling you THAT I’M GOING TO GO PLAY WITH MY DOODLEBUG NOW XXYYYZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
[Stupid troll]
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Miranda said:
Hi, Tim! Thanks for stopping by my blog!
“you sound damn bitter”
Wow, never heard that one before. And hey, you caught me in a good mood, so you get extra cookies for being creative!!! Am I soooooo generous or WHAT!
“And your type of women constantly complain that guys disappear or don’t call after dates, etc.?”
Funny thing about this, I usually have the opposite problem, where the guys I find myself attracted to end up pushing me for more than I want to give. And here I always thought that was a girl thing. Guess not!
“Probably because he doesn’t want to date another dude.”
See, here’s the thing about me. I’m pretty fucking picky about the guys I date. So I’d never actually go out with a guy that saw me through that particular lens, so I don’t really have that problem.
Got anything else?
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Sarah said:
I am very wary of EMK . I always feel depressed not encouraged by his advice and a lot of the comments from users. EMK likes to remind us how men are only interested in young beautiful women. If you didn’t get it the first time he will tell you again. And again and again until anyone over the age of 30 just gives up. I often feel that I am reading dating advice for men. The cynic in me sometimes wonders whether it really is for men. It attracts a lot of male contributers who like to remind us what expired goods we are. A great deal of what emk says is not in line with what I see with my own eyes in my day to day life. I would avoid gurus of any description and avoid these manosphere boards as well. A lot .of men with axes to grind make nasty and offensive comments about women’s weight, looks, age and sexual preferences. The best place to get dating advice is from other women who have done it and succeeded.
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Myra Singh said:
“guys I find myself attracted to end up pushing me for more than I want to give”>So,you have admited over here that you are still dating a lot of guys who are always ‘pushing’ you to give things that incidentally you don’t want to give.You have not yet found the right guy for yourself.And that is no surprise considering that you are living in your self-centred bubble.
Have you ever asked yourself-What value do I have to give to a man in a relationship?Am I able to give him what he really wants?
Instead of asking yourself-‘What can he give to me?Will he satisfy my sexual needs?”
Had you managed to follow any dating coach’s advice,you would have been able to attract a suitable man whom you are also attracted to and you don’t have to indulge in so many ‘guys’ in your life.
And nobody would have pushed you either.You would have been happy to give them just like they would have been happy to give you whatever it is.
‘I’m pretty fucking picky about the guys I date’
Why not work on making yourself the kind of woman your dream guy would like to date.
Then the wrong kind of men won’t even approach you…
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Zoey said:
Myra, please give it a rest. This whole value you bring spiel is a bunch of salesman pitch language used by people in the coaching industry. You are spewing it as if it is some sort of new concept that many of us haven’t heard before. Well guess what, many of us have and I am here to tell you that this *still* does not guarantee a darn anything. Reality check, many of these silly coaches are in it for their livlihood (money) and nothing else. They talk a slick talk and dress up simple concepts into pretty packaging and push your impulse buttons so they can sell. It’s the oldest trick in the book and hence the term “used car salesmen” come to mind and that’s ALL it is. Different men are different, different women are different and when two people find each other the goal is to learn and communicate one another’s unique individual needs. No woman (nor man) should bring all her “value” to the table to a man she barely knows. All these dating punks talk about relationships being better than 50/50 blah blah, but the problem is they get even that concept wrong. 50/50 is NOT about some power struggle, it is a mindset so that one partner dors not over value their efforts while undervaluing their partner’s. It helps to have a basic understanding in psychology (behavioral, NOT evolutionary thank you very much), in terms of establishing healthy dynamics. These dating gurus, men AND women, really need to first start treating women like they are hunan beings first and foremost and go from there.
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Anna said:
EMK is a farce. I responded one time with a heartfelt comment and this random dude just started blasting and harassing me out of nowhere. I think the whole blog is filled with trolls who work for the organization. I think their job is to antagonize women to the point that (hopefully) they break down and beg EMK to teach them how to get a man, bring love into their life, etc. It’s obviously not going to work with me, but I believe the trolls (men and women) are there to break women down until they succumb to buying EMKs products, registering for his program; in short, feed his bank account. The people on that sight follow EMK as though he were a Messiah. It is actually very scary, but I also believe it is a set up, a money making scheme. If you buy into it, I believe you will be sorry.
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Fiona said:
VERY OBVIOUSLY Evan Mark Katz pretending to be “Tim” here. Duh! EMK, you’re half assed, failed moron who settled in life and is trying to make yourself feel better about it and trying to tell women to settle for other half assed morons like yourself. Your material is full of EMK self justification and self glorification. You scare vulnerable women into reading your and buying into your crap. You scare them into settling for half assed losers like you. You didn’t get the highly educated, strong girls you wanted because they saw what a loser you are, so now you diss them and tell them they want too much and they should be less. Girls, don’t listen to this moron! Be whomever and what you want to be!
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GeorgeT said:
How does the old saying goes – ‘Those who can, do, those who can’t teach!’ EMK is equivalent to that failed loser who keeps cranking out ‘winning systems’ and peddles them to the naive folk.
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Tim said:
Nice that I’M THROUGH PLAYING WITH MY DOODLEBUG NOW. I’d guess that’s what it takes to be an ultra liberal blogger? Besides saying you sound bitter (which I’M A TOTAL FUCKHEAD) and inferring that your rhetoric is quite possibly hurting many great women in general (which I HAVE A TINY PECKER), everything else I said was MORONIC. I honestly don’t care about your personal life. Great for you that you are so “fucking picky”. But “fucking picky” is usually a synonym for WAH WAHHH SOMEONE SHUT ME UP BEFORE I HURT MYSELF. Again, just telling you WHAT A TOTAL JOCKSTRAP I AM. I am a strong proponent for WANKING IN THE BATHTUB WITH MY STUFFED DOG. But not a strong believer that there are, and will always be, gender differences. If you trash the feminine qualities that make MY PENIS FEEL MILDLY ADEQUATE, you are doing ME a disservice. All I think Mr. Katz is saying (based just on the quotes I’m sure you cherry-picked to make your point) is YOU ALREADY SPELLED IT OUT BUT I’M CLEARLY A FUCKFACE WHO CAN’T READ. I don’t see anywhere where he said – and I quote from your AWESOMENESS – “men loathe strong, opinionated women because a submissive, quiet woman is a disempowered one” What a load of crap I AM. Please. Real men don’t like a “disempowered” push-over any more than women do. I REALLY AM A BORING CLUELESS WINDBAG.
[Edited]
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Miranda said:
“Nice that you took everything I said as personally targeted attack on you?”
Poor fella, you’re a slow one :( I responded in the personal because you made it personal when you said, “And your type of women”. Do you understand now, or should I get out the crayons and construction paper? If it makes you feel any better though, I didn’t really interpret your words as an attack, I think you’re just being a silly troll more than anything.
“If you trash the feminine qualities that make women great, you are doing a disservice.”
Dance or gtfo, silly troll.
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Jen said:
Wow, you need a long session in front of a mirror. You sound about 100M times more bitter than she did in anything she wrote.
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Tim said:
Good luck to you Miranda. You are obviously very INTELLIGENT AND INSIGHTFUL AND TOO SMART FOR ME. And bound to BE COMPLETELY SICK OF DEALING WITH A SQUEAKY TROLL. As a guy, I CLEARLY NEED A TICKET TO THE CLUE TRAIN. I’ll admit it. YOU ARE CLEARLY FULL OF WIN. But also because I HAVE THE SENSE OF A BROKEN MAILBOX, my heart goes out to you and wishes you the best. I AM FIRED. :-)
[Edited]
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Miranda said:
“We have done you wrong.”
Who the hell is this WE?
Bye, troll.
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Jd said:
I do agree with this article to some extent. EMK’s ideas do not apply to all women…. a large number of them maybe 20 percent( in my experience). But this article’s author is clearly not doing a good job at it by defending against a troll man. Dunno why some women do this and write articles like this. If you write articles like this just ignore this guy’s posts. It just makes it look like you agree to EMK somewhere inside and you hate your are not in that 20 % somehow
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Eloisa said:
Tim, are you EMK??? undercover?
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whatrhymeswithsarah said:
Hahaha oh man this comment thread is hilarious. Bad luck getting a concern troll as your first commenter though. Nice blog :)
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Miranda said:
Thanks! Figures that *this* would be the post that would attract my very first troll. I’m kind of shocked that it took as long as it did.
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Sarah said:
I dont know what rhymes with Sarah. But Scarer said in a London accent is good. Sarah Parah is what the kids at school used to call me. Sometimes when I sign my name it looks like “Satan” ;)
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kate said:
hmmm… he might have been a troll but he wasn’t entirely wrong… :-/
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Miranda said:
Yes, he was. Entirely.
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Jean said:
I beg to differ with you a lot. He was totally wrong and…… are you a troll too, defending that negative attitude? He is the one who seems bitter. His method of attack, suggests to me, that he is either a friend of the person whom he defends, or has a total disdain for women. That type is everywhere and there are almost an equal amount of silly women who defend these men with raunchy attitude about women.
Wise women need to use their common sense and not alow ourselves to be so easily indoctrinated by the very men who don’t respect women.
Miranda, you rock and I thoroughly enjoyed your article. I stand with you.
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Miranda said:
Thank you :)
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Cali Girl said:
I agree, Kate. When I POOPED TODAY, I thought YIKES, This MEXICAN FOOD is what’s wrong with MY INTESTINES today and why MY ANUS IS so confused and end up passing up good BURRITOS because they can’t decipher quality from crazy these days. I’m a strong independent POOPER, but I want to be treated like a BABY IN A DIAPER. There are gender roles that have NOTHING to do with SKID MARKS and the bitterness in this TURD reeks of someone who got seriously hurt and can’t seem to PASS IT ALL. This person will be single for a very long time, if not forever with that kind of GAS. I NEED METAMUCLIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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cornflake said:
agree! “There are gender roles that have NOTHING to do with human equality”
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Jean said:
Call Girl, (Are you really female, or a man, posing as a female?)
Funny huh, how you and other gullible females, defend men who write to women, about how women should be. Then, you jump on the train and attack Miranda, a female, for bringing out the most valid points and the truth. Not many of us are brave enough to speak up. Females can be so silly, gullible, man pleasers. Not many of us could have articulated the information as well as Miranda did.
I had my entire female, staff, sisters, and female friends to read Miranda article. Wow! Everyone was overwhelmed with grattitude and the women who read the article are fair and intelligent women, who love men, who have men in their lives, but recognize what Miranda wrote, as truth. Yet, you attacked her. Go figure. Sadly, there .is an abundance of articles on the internet lecturing women about what terrible persons we are with destructive advice to women, but condoning men’s sins. On what planet, can a man speak to women about the female experience? On what planet, is it okay for men to scold and lecture women? All that men writers need to do is tell how men feel about the male experience.
Now, all Miranda did was told the truth, from the women’s point of view. Decent, common sense women will not attack another female for speaking of the wrongs that men do to us. But you know what, when women attack other women for showing understanding to what many women experience, it shows men how devisive, how catty, how ugly we are. It shows men that they have the pernission from females like you, Call Girl, to continue not being fair to females. We( women) will continue to be under men’s feet. We can only blame ourselves for how men treat us. Women have got to learn to love themselves, repect themselves, stop exalting men, and support the female gender.
Thank you Miranda. Other females, you need to speak up for our gender.
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Constance Fry said:
Stay classy.
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Miranda said:
I wish you’d say something that isn’t completely lame, Constance. If you’re going to be an asshole, please find a way to be somewhat entertaining about it.
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EMK is a loser said:
Oh,are you talking to EMK and Tim? :P
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EMK is a loser said:
I meant to reply to Constance :P
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Emily said:
Oh, dear – you lose on this one, Miranda.
Big time….
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Miranda said:
Care to tell me why, or are you going to make me guess?
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EMK is a loser said:
Well-said Miranda! I totally agree with you! Evan Marc Katz is a definitely a wanker who pretends to be a dating “expert” and gives women shitty advice!
He’s a sexist and shows no respect for women. In his eyes it cheapens girls when girls ask guys out,which is total bullshit.
Anyway,I know different guys have different opinions.Some people think it’s perfectly fine that girls ask guys out but some don’t. Nothing is black and white. But I don’t agree that it “cheapens” the girl when she asks a guy out.She’s interested so she asks.A grown woman should be able to express herself instead of playing childish games (i.e. playing hard to get).If he’s really the type of man who she wants,she can give it a go and ask him out.There’s nothing to lose even if he rejects her. If a woman isn’t satisfied with the quality of men that approach her, she might want to consider making the first move.It doesn’t necessarily mean she’s cheap,desperate or anything. It’s just a natural progression of women being equals.
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Miranda said:
Well said!
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EMK is a loser said:
Thank you! :D
x
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Sarah said:
I take it you are British by your use of the word “Wanker” I notice a difference in attitudes re men and women In America. Americans are more inclined to be old fashioned I belief. Some of their views on women are shocking and outdated.
Every boyfriend I had started with me approaching him In one way or another. I just dont seem to like the ones who approach me. What am I to do…
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WiTcH said:
In my humble opinion, relationship myths are created by retards.I have no idea why so many retards try to associate “who asks who out” with “gender role”? In my humble opinion, men and women should be equal. If men are entitled to ask women out,then women are also entitled to ask men out. If a man likes you or finds you attractive,he will still go out with you even if you’re the one who asks him out (Most men like attractive girls.They don’t care who asks who out as long as they are attractive and they get along!).If he doesn’t like you,he won’t go after you or pursue you even if you’re sitting there like a princess and trying to be feminine,docile and passive. That doesn’t change just because you’re a female asking males out. He likes you for who you are and how you look but not who asks who out!! This is common sense!! In some cases,men will start to notice or even consider going out with the girl after she asked him out though he wasn’t initially interested in her.
Some morons even think “there’s nothing wrong (or it’s good) if men ask girls out but when women ask men out, it comes across as aggressive and desperate”. WTF? Can you see how sexist this society is? Can people really understand what ‘aggressive’ and ‘desperate’ mean?! If not,please feel free to look up the dictionary and learn English!According to Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary,the word ‘desperate’ means “needing or wanting something very much”. Unfortunately,it doesn’t state whether it’s a male thing or a female thing; Another word ‘aggressive’ means “acting with force and determination in order to succeed”. Again,the dictionary doesn’t tell us whether this is a man’s thing or a woman’s thing. So,these two words have NOTHING to do with gender but PEOPLE! In other words,both men and women CAN be desperate and aggressive when they ask the opposite sex out!It’s not just a woman’s thing! So please stop accusing women of being desperate and aggressive when they ask men out(especially when they do it in a nice and respectful way)!
Now..what I want to say is…the ACTION of “asking out” is not necessarily aggressive or desperate.Whether it’s aggressive/desperate or not only depends on HOW you ask somebody out.It only becomes desperate regardless of your gender if you make your lack of interest clear but they continue you on as if they are trying to change your mind.This can probably get on your nerves cos they don’t seem to respect your decision.
In short,whether it’s aggressive/desperate is determined by HOW you ask somebody out but not WHO asks WHO out!The entire thing has nothing to do with gender role!
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Miranda said:
Well said, and I especially agree with this part:
“Now..what I want to say is…the ACTION of “asking out” is not necessarily aggressive or desperate.Whether it’s aggressive/desperate or not only depends on HOW you ask somebody out.It only becomes desperate regardless of your gender if you make your lack of interest clear but they continue you on as if they are trying to change your mind.This can probably get on your nerves cos they don’t seem to respect your decision. ”
Thank you guys for stopping by!!!
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apple said:
Hello Miranda,
I just wanted to THANK YOU for this post…
I was ABSOLUTELY shocked and disgusted at EMK “advice” (even though he was featured on some summits by ppl i respect..Jeez, whhat in the world were they thinkin’ ?? )
Pardon my French, what an asshole this EMK is!! and why in the hell these women even listen to that S$%^??!! that is what fascinates me…
I guess, one’s self-esteem needs to be in quite pretty low to even give that asshole a time of the day…and this is EXACTLY what these women (everyone actually) need to stay away from..a guy who tells you that after 40 you’re worthless as a woman, and all other bunch of crap- depsite FACT and numerous happy women way over 4o and 50 and 60 and so on proving him wrong
So glad someone spoke up agains this asshole!!
Great work, Miranda!! :)
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WiTcH said:
Yeah,well-done Miranda! You’re epic! :D
Sometimes women DO need to stand up and speak for themselves! We’re not brainless!
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Miranda said:
Thanks!
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Rosy said:
The army of “dating gurus” that are swarming over the internet is a plague. There should be a law who forbids them. Their modus operandum: tell a story about how bad they were at relationships for many years and how they all of a sudden found the secret formula. Which they want to share with you for a special price, wow how generous. Then they throw in some testimonials and there we go. A bloody easy way to earn money aka to rip people off…
Some of them make a total fool of themselves like Tracy McMillan, who was married three times yet still berates women about why they are not married or Bobbi Palmer: http://datelikeagrownup.com, a big-breasted heavy woman who gave at one point clothing advice in a striped top with a bad bra under it (I actually thought she would start by saying: “Look at me to know how you should not be dressed” – I was wrong).
But of all these characters (who are probably a dating guru because they cannot hold a proper job), EMK is one narcissistic mysogynistic character who gets nasty every time someone dares to have another opinion than him. I pity his poor wife of who he keeps saying that “she was not what he wanted in a woman”. Any woman with a bit of a backbone would leave a man who keeps repeating that. On his website EMK talks about how he did not make any progress in dating with the smart, intelligent girls. Probably because they saw right through his BS.
I think there is a hidden conspiracy going on against women which makes us believe that if we are successful in education and work, we will be punished by not finding love. And since most people want to find love and disappointments in your love life touch a soft spot, it is difficult to keep believing that you can realise your potential and still be loved.
In my opinion it is also a generational phenomenon. If you have been born in the sixties, you don’t want to be a Stepford wife anymore. You want a man who is emancipated. So a guy born in the fifties with a traditional mother might find you too feminist. But you can afford to ask a man to step in because you don’t need him for his money so if he makes your life difficult, you stop the relationship. Some men solve this buy “buying” a woman from a foreign country: she wants a better life and he wants a wife who will play the traditional role.
What bugs me most in the advice of the dating gurus is how they tell you that you should admire your man and praise him. As if your only role is provide constant ego stroking. This is not how adults relate to each other I think…
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Marilyn said:
Sorry Miranda – but you sound beyond HUNGRY FOR PENIS. Your long STREAK OF CELIBACY mirrors the DIOLOGUE FROM THE SISTER ACT FILMS, STARRING WHOOPI GOLDBERG AND THOSE OTHER BITCHES. Good luck building a good WAFFLE on that BUTTCRUST. You might want to lean back and consider WHY MASTURBATION WITH LEAD PENCILS pushes your buttons so much that you WOULD be so AROUSED THAT YOU would spend the time necessary to CLICK INTO NIRVANA.
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Miranda said:
Hey, thanks for the advice, Marilyn! As you can clearly see from all my crazed rantings, I’m not really a very rational or reflective person at all, so gosh- it’s never actually occurred to me to do something as *hard* as think about why I would go through all the trouble of writing an angry blog post about a particular subject or person. But honestly, why should I bother anyway when I could be doing something fun, like masturbating over my pecker-induced feelings of hatred and bitterness and flesh-consuming rage?! I mean duh Marilyn. We’ve got ourselves a no-brainer here.
But I bet you’re a nice person underneath that douchy, annoying-as-fuck exterior, so I’ve decided to try something that I’ve never tried before. I am going to try to *think*.
(Better step back though because things have a tendency to get intense whenever I try to use the old noggin for anything other than food and booze recognition. Oh and also because you stink and it is rather distracting. I mean geeeze dude….shower much??)
Wait- what were we talking about? Oh right….sorry. You asked a dumb question and I was about to answer it. Alrighty then, here goes nothing.
•••thinking••••
•••thinking••••
•••thinking••••
Ooh ooh I’ve got it, I’ve got it!* Yay me!!!
Okay. Some ideas [1] Marilyn, are damaging. And they have real, actual, harmful effects on the lives of real, actual people. And when douche-buckets like EMK insist on perpetuating these damaging ideas that harm real people, they (and he) need to be called out for it and their ideas thoroughly repudiated.
Are you with me so far, Marilyn?
Yay! I knew you could keep up. Actually that’s a lie. I’m shocked, because honestly you come across as kind of stupid.
But anyway, back to it. So you see, because these stupid and harmful ideas of his are soooo stupid and harmful, people like me create *blogs* like the one you’ve stumbled onto here, in order to do the calling-out and repudiating that I just mentioned.
So it’s really not that I am bitter and angry (although I do get kind of irritated about having to answer the same dumbass question over and over again when the answer you’re looking for is actually contained within the blog post itself if only you had the gift of reading comprehension), it’s that EMK is a dickface who happens to harbor dickfaced ideas about women and men, and that he insists on *spreading* his dickfaced ideas around in much the same manner that you might expect to find a child spreading an unwelcome slimed-and-primed booger across the back of her brother’s shirt.
And gosh I wish I could come up with something better for you, but there’s my answer. I know it’s not much, but hey- you seem to think you’re really smart, so maybe you can dazzle me by figuring out a way to turn it into something awesome and sprayable and fresh for which to cover the stench of ass that will undoubtedly linger long after you are gone.
P. S. Someone recently gave me some advice which I can’t help but feel applies to you as well, and since I’m feeling sorta generous, I’ve decided to pass it along. It’s this: you might want to lean back and consider why some random, unknown blogger pushes your buttons so much that you’d be so pissed and would spend the time necessary to write your rant.
Hope all this helps! Have a good night, and don’t forget to go fuck yourself!!
[1] if necessary (and after you have thoroughly fucked and bathed yourself, of course), I will be happy to go over with you the meanings of certain words just so that we can be sure we are on the same page. Words like “ideas”, and “harmful”, and “real”, and “damaging”. I’ve found that when two people seem to be talking past one another, very often it is because at least one of them has some pretty whacked out ideas [1] about the definitions of common, everyday words that most of the rest of us managed at some point in our lives to grasp and come to a reasonable agreement on the meanings of. So if we need to take a trip back to kindergarten just let me know and off we will go. As long as I’m not on my period, in the throes of a monstrous case of PMS, drunk, or in the midst of a man-hating booze filled fuck-you-athon, obviously.
*I expect at least a cookie for my efforts, Marilyn.
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Jean said:
@Marilyn, Are you also sent here in disguise as a female?
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Jean said:
Marilyn, don’t Georgetown to take your Viagra and put the seat back down after you pee.
Get it?
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Sarah said:
I’m thinking there is a conspiracy against us too. They want us to go back to being the docile obedient doormats. Married at 17 to the first man who asks us and remain there for life… In the UK the daily mail is heading a fierce campaign against women. Worthless after 40 and infertile at 35.. I do wonder if EMK is part of this campaign..
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Zoey said:
Rosy I LOVE how you refer to the dating coaches inflitrating the Internet as a plaugue. You are SO RIGHT! I would say the same about all the coaches from life to the whole self help balogne that is plaguing the whole Internet amongst other areas.
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Jean said:
@Rosy, wow you see it just right. Thanks.
@Miranda, Your site is an awesome one. I get the impression that you are a strong and wise woman. You are so refreshing. You have brought much truth to the forefront for us women. Do not be defeated by or allow certain males to make you stop speaking truth for women to hear. This is so needed.
It’s not often that we can find a “women’s site” that speaks with dignity and gives women a chance to come and be lifted up instead of being scolded, blamed and belittled. Therefore Miranda, you will be met by anger from persons who support taking away women’s voices and freedom of choice. I agree with one of the previous commenters, about feeling there is a conspiracy from some men and men supporters who seek to destroy women’s voice, choices, dignity.
Women should continue to support each other and not be so catty against each other.
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Miranda said:
Thanks Jean!!! Thank you for stopping by my blog!!!!
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mark said:
Miranda’s quote… “But I bet you’re a nice person underneath that douchy, annoying-as-fuck exterior”
That is so ironic because I thought the EXACT SAME THING about you after reading your article Miranda.
Toodles.
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Miranda said:
The only reason I’m approving this comment is to that I can laugh at you publicly for saying the word toodles. You’re stupid.
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Sarah said:
Miranda have you ever come across a manosphere blog called Dalrock? Google Dalrock. Read there forums. Brace yourself..
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Miranda said:
Oh dear God I had forgotten that Dalrock existed. His was one of the manosphere blogs that I used to gawk at on the regular out of sheer horror. I recently came across a site called The Return of Kings. It’s alternately a laugh a second and a huge fucking nightmare. What’s funny is that the people who write for it don’t even make logical sensical arguments for why women are so inferior to men. All they do is go on and on about what sluts women all are and how narcissistic and psychopathic women are for being selfish enough to put tattoos ON THEIR OWN GODDAMN BODIES. And people take them seriously. Make no mistake about it, there is a concerted effort in our country (and apparently in many other developed countries) to set women back and to “reassert” (I put that in scare quotes since men have always been dominant and have asserted that dominance throughout time, it’s just that we are now entering a scary new phase where the dominance is turned up a hundred degrees in response to some perceived “wussification” of our country) the dominance of men over women. There’s no question about it at this point.
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sunflower2016 said:
Hi Miranda, I stumbled across your blog from a google search and OMG I am glad I did! It’s becoming near impossible to find space in the vast world wide web safe from promotion of female subservience and misogyny in the name of “traditional values.” EMK is no exception. Which brings me to my point.
EMK is well aware of the value that misogynist trolls bring him in website traffic. I read his blog for a while but quickly tired of it when it became ovbious that people who don’t drink his kool aid aren’t welcome. Frankly many of the comments sounded planted to me, especially the ones from posters claiming to be women with the most misogynistic comments of all (again, red flag).
Which brings me to my second point. Traditionalist conversatives and the far right in general seem to be on a mission to take over the internet. That they’ve been driven underground to the anonymity of the internet says that their views are increasingly unacceptable in the mainstream. That’s a good thing. But they are now trolling every conversation online, and they’re unfortunately really good at selling their own brand of delusion and convincing a generation of young men that they are being discriminated against because they are men and white.
I’ve observed that increasingly, pandering to these conversative leaning trolls seems to be the priority for too many bloggers and online personalities like EMK. At the end of the day, click bait brings the trolls which brings the money, and the biggest fish in the digital sea these days are angry tradcons.
Anyway thank you Miranda.
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Zoey said:
This is so well written, thank you Erika. And you couldn’t be more right about snake oil. I myself had to learn the hard way. Down below on another post I defended Renee Wade a bit by saying she is not so creepy. I take it back now. I am re-reading her material and it is horrifyingly awful. Her, Rori Raye, Evan Marc Katz, and a bunch of other dating/relationship/life coaches on the net are nothing but misogynist pigs and are nothing more than Internet business models looking to make a buck using the debunked pseudo science of the debunked bull shit of evolutionary psychology. It is akin to used car salesman, or Amway or Kirbey’s Vacuum Cleaners, it is the same business models and tactics used. The whole “Alpha” and “Beta” nonsense needs to be put to rest by these fools as Science has already done so. This Evolutionary Psychology garbage is the New Misogyny, and David Deida’s garbage is the New “Age” Misogyny. Enough is enough. It is time to ride these morons and those who are just like them off the Internet. Or at least make an attempt.
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Chris said:
Every single one of you who slanders EMK are exactly the type of women most men dispose and why you’re probably forever single! Opinionated masculines in a female body that have no idea how to be a woman!
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Chris said:
Every single one of you who slanders EMK are exactly the type of women most men dispose and why you’re probably forever single! Opinionated masculines in a female body that have no idea how to be a woman! And I would like to add that you all love to swear and cuss! SO unattractive and low class you are all a breed unto yourselves! Yuk!
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sunflower2016 said:
Yeah ok “Chris.”
You forgot to tell us to enjoy our cats.
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Sarah said:
Chris, I am the type of woman who you would think most men “dispose” (LOL), who disagrees with EMK through and through, and I happen to be married to the man of my dreams. And he agrees with me on these issues. Sorry to burst your bubble. (Okay, I’m not really sorry.)
I am glad I did not listen to fools and misogynists. I could have settled earlier for a man who would have made me unhappy. I held out for a good guy who respects me. I am endlessly grateful that I did!
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Zoey said:
^^^Apparently “high class” os so attractive creature right there. People like this Chris have no idea how to “be a man.” They just spiel and spiel and obsess over women who really cannot stand them. I am so glad imposters of men like these are dying out. Evan Marc Katz is just a used car salesman. That is all. He does this because he cannot hold down a real job. He is a modern day snake oil salesman and nothing more. And silly, dim witted creatures like the above take him seriously and allow themselves to get influenced. Sad.
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Chris said:
Chris here I am all woman lol! Clueless idiots
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Zoey said:
^^^Oh name calling…very classy. Another winning trait, pining after what they think men want. Because men oh so love a woman who puts other women down to “protect” their fragile sensibilities. Good. Way to act like a lady.
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Miranda said:
If I can manage to coax myself out of my self-imposed writing exile, I plan to write about that site and some of the asinine shit they churn out and how it connects to dating coaches like Evan Marc Katz and the uber-conservative movement sweeping churches all over the country that says women are supposed to be “feminine” fucking sex dolls who are kept the fuck at home, barefoot and pregnant and/or in 24/7 stripper mode, ready to sexually service their captor- er, men at a moment’s notice.
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nouseforaname said:
these men are unattractive that’s why they are so bitter. they put no effort in their appearance yet expect women to, and expect gorgeous women to date them- they know the only way to get these women is to bully them, and mentally abuse them. that’s it, end of argument. it’s as simple as that. don’t bother complicating things, it’s really very simple.
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zorina said:
Miranda,
I agree with you 100%. the only reason why EMK has so many women reading his drivel is because he has bought up all the google search words related to relationship and online dating advice. he is a moron and often contradicts himself. it’s a shame that he is the first person you come across when seeking dating advice. I wish I had read your blog before I read his.
Zorina
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Steaming said:
Great to read something against that wanker EMK, I keep ending up on his site while searching for sensible discussions! He clearly has a somewhat inflated opinion of himself and the male species ‘in general’, since he seems to spend most of his time generalising massively about the sexes – and usually to the detriment of women. I know I should just click off the page, but somehow I always seem to get hooked into reading the absolute sexist shit he seems to think passes for ‘advice’, [lol], and end up with steam coming out of my ears. I actually nearly ended up posting a comment there, until I realised it was a pointless exercise …. I really must get out more …. but thanks for standing up for the female of the species here at least!
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Miranda said:
The most important, eye-opening, life-changing book I have ever read is The Politics of Sex by Kate Millet. In it, she describes all the ways in which women are harmed by the perpetuation of the gender differences myth. Ever since I read that book, whenever I see assholes in the media and television etc etc propagating these myths and making everything forever about MEN or WOMEN, I literally melt into a rage puddle. If only people understood just how harmful this shit was.
“but thanks for standing up for the female of the species here at least!”
Thank you and you’re welcome. I really should do it more.
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FourB said:
Hi Miranda, you’re so right about Evan Marc Katz. I used to read his blog and wonder if he had suffered a stroke or something because he’s spewing so much crap in his blog. Check out this article (“Is Rape the Worst Thing That Can Happen To a Woman”): http://bit.ly/Mwqmri
He lost all legitimacy in my eyes after this blog post. I guess Evan doesn’t think that getting man-raped would be all that bad. Sounds like a homo in the closet to me. Maybe he should question his sexuality rather than question how traumatizing rape is to women.
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Miranda said:
I read that post. It was very upsetting. He is a piece of shit.
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sunflower2016 said:
Da fuk? EMK says: “Rape is a very personal, very sensitive, very political issue, and emotions tend to run high around it.” No, shythead, it’s a crime.
If that ain’t concern trolling I don’t know what is. “Girls, forget about that trauma from being raped and not believed and called a slut who asked for it and watching your attacker remain free thing, cuz you can still be a feminine little flower that men want to marry even if you are damaged goods. Just buy my books!”
Concur. He is a piece of shit.
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GigiMorgan said:
Omygosh! Thank you!!! I have just finished posting a reply to that bag of shit! Although he didn’t deserve my reading or my comment, but he needs to be deleted from the internet. He’s noooo good.
Then I went on and searched for reviews on that douche and immediately came across your blog post which only extended my rant in other women’s words beginning with yours Miranda.
It’s been a very long while since the last time I read, or heard, someone with the ovaries to speak their mind. I was actually beginning to think my kind were extinct. Happy to see we’re still around 😉
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Miranda said:
Thank you Gigi. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one out there!
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Sarah said:
Trouble is when the ovary brigade speak our mind the dick brigade call us liars. Apparently a 55 yr old balding truck driver is highly desirable to a young woman and becomes more desirable with age. A 30 yr old woman is the biological peer of a 58 yr old man. Women don’t care about a mans looks. Cougars are just pretending to like younger men. Doesn’t matter how many times a woman contests this she will be called a liar or a feminazi. If a man defends a woman he is called a mangina. Wankers… no wonder their wives left them because that’s what all this is about. Wives divorcing them or women rejecting them. And they call us Entitlement princesses? Wanker…
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Miranda said:
YES.
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Logic said:
I agree with the one commenter on here. There are too many men posing as dating gurus, who are really trying to fleece single women, particularly those over the age of 30. And if someone dares to speak out about this, they are buried under irrational, unintelligent ad hominem responses. I would even go so far as to say that there is a conspiracy, at least among the misogynists, which aims at not only siphoning money from single women over 30, but at keeping them dating unsuccessfully, so they in turn keep spending money. They post terrible things and try to destroy their self esteem. They post nonsense about how men get desirable with age (do they resist the aging process? Show me the science. And show me one normal, mentally healthy female in her teens or twenties that wants a man ten years older than her – or more).
I do not believe these misogynists are married. This “Dalrock” character, EMK – I’m willing to bet that in truth they are single as dollar bills. Such angry, judgmental men would have no reason to take to the internet spewing hatred if their personal lives made them happy. They are miserable men, and find single women over 30 to be easy targets for their vitriol.
Yet while the internet is a misogynistic wasteland, in truth the people you meet offline are nothing like this. Those who troll the internet indulging in hatred are lacking in social skills and social lives. They are like roaches, emerging at night to slip into nightclubs and bars – if they ever escape their self-made prisons at all.
Not a day goes by that I don’t pray that God brings justice to every single one of them. But then, given their misery, maybe He already has.
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holla! said:
WELL SAID!!! I have trolled EMK’s site from time to time just to read his hilariously shitty advice & snarky commentary on how all women are “insecure” & “jealous” if they have an issue with ANYTHING. My whole take on Mr. EMK is that he is SOOOO NOT the guy he sells himself to be, which he says was a “man whore” that dated a bevy of beautiful women & just had one night stands with them. Um, NOT buying that AT ALL, have you seen him??? Not a chance in hell that he was a “player”….EVER! But he sells himself that way I guess. AND, I also believe he totally settled for his wife, who, by his own writings, is not the most beautiful woman in the world, just very tolerant it sounds. And he tries to convince himself through his writings that he’s really attracted to his wife but he’s not, since all he talks about is that ALL men, married or otherwise constantly want to bang other women 24-7 & women need to get over that & accept it. Um, maybe you wouldn’t want to do that EMK if you really were attracted to your wife??? Just sayin. So yea, in a nut shell, he is the #1 DOUCHE. My husband disagrees with about 90% of the shit he writes. The person I feel bad for is his poor wife. He settled for her because it’s all he could get because he was NEVER the playa that he claims to have been. And I feel bad for the poor women that actually listen or take his advice!!! OH MY, not a good idea!!!
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Sarah said:
I was wondering about his wife… he upset the ladies on the board when he said she was a 7 on the scale.. he labours the fact that she is his age and average looking… now he would look a hypocrite if he was married to a younger better looking woman and the ladies would not take him seriously…
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holla! said:
Oh & a few more things…THANK YOU, THANK YOU & THANK YOU! For giving us a place to vent, because like you mentioned, he won’t post anything that contradicts his bullshit or corrects him!
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just_some_guy said:
Somehow I stumbled onto this blog by accident. And I realize right off by the bat by reading the comments here that I’m in the minority…possible even being the ONLY man posting here. First off all I’ll say up front that I’m here neither to condone or condemn Mr. Katz for any of his comments, opinions, beliefs, philosophies, or whatever you may call them. I’m simply here to point out something very small, yet very specific. I’ve read a couple of blogs by Mr. Katz. And while I can’t say that I’m 100% on board with what he advises, the one thing I can say that I’ve noticed time and again in his posts, including this latest one that FourB linked to, is that he himself makes a point of saying that he isn’t telling anyone what to believe or how to act. The whole point of that last post was about RECOVERY from rape, not that act itself. It in NO WAY was glamorizing or glorifying the act. The woman (escort) who originally posted it was talking about moving on and not allowing something that could happen to a woman to keep that woman from living a happy healthy and productive life. As a product of child molestation I can attest to just how you can make the decision allow something to define you, to blame that for every action and reaction you have in life. I made the decision not to allow my past define my future years ago. And I’m better for it.
I’d like to point out that once again, without defending EMK, there are bits of advice that are absolutely valuable. While there is no arguing that men and women are different in within those two genders, no two are the same, it MUST go without saying that within each of those genders there becomes a noticeable cliche. Much in the same way that I gather Miranda here is pretty much generalizing men as pieces of shit (not in so many words, but trust me, it’s implied), it’s going to seem that (most) women are simply not willing to “settle” for the nice guy. Yes, I’m sorry but for those of us so called “nice guys” we do tend to finish last. And yes, I meant to use a cliche because let’s face it, there’s a lot of truth in cliches. As long as there are so many women who bitch and moan about guys shitting on them, just wanting a ni”ce guy to date, but then turning down every nice guy with “average” looks, but giving every hot sports jock who winks at them a chance, it’s going to SEEM that women are too damned picky for their own good. And as long as there are (asshole) guys who dump decent women to chase after a 20-something piece of ass, men are going to SEEM like dogs. This is why dating is so frustrating. Because like it or not, these types are in the majority and the “nice” guys and girls are in the minority. So we stand a lot less chance finding one another.
But back to EMK for a moment. While not every single piece of advice is golden (a LOT of it isn’t), again, there is some value in it. I think he’s simply stating something that is already fairly obvious. Men are….men. MOST of them aren’t going to change. And in a previous post from him I read it and I have to agree with it. “Either accept him or dump him.” It GOES BOTH WAYS. Men should see women the same way. Some women are simply spoiled little rotten women who think they are princesses and deserve a man to give them the world. And hey, if that’s what you want, then by all means, have at it, good luck with it, best to you. In the same regard, if what you ladies want is the good looking jock who would watch Sportcenter over cuddling with you and would rather hit the bar to hang out with his buddies than take you to dinner, again, have at it, good luck to you. But don’t complain about it. HOWEVER if you truly want a “good guy” like you say, how about stop looking so hard at the outside, stop judging a guy based on his wallet, and give the “average” guy a chance?
Just a little food for thought Miranda. I don’t call you bitter. I don’t really call you anything. I don’t know you. But I will say that you got very defensive when someone simply invited you to take some time to think about why he gets under your skin. Kudos for admitting you aren’t an introspective kinda girl and you don’t wonder “why” about things. IF he truly is as big a douchebag as you say, and his”words, ideas, blah,blah” are really as “dangerous” as you say, then they are only dangerous for the few who choose not to see through the bullshit that is there. Give the women some credit for being intelligent enough to see through the bullshit. Let’s just be realistic, shall we? If they aren’t intelligent enough to see through the bullshit, it wouldn’t be EMK, it would be someone else. They’re looking for something. And they aren’t willing to look in better places. They’re looking for a “magic pill”, which means they’re desperate and they’re willing to listen to pretty much anyone who will try and sell them on it. Because they don’t want to hear that it’s hard, and that it’s not the bullshit they see on the big screen or read in books, and it’s not some fucked up billionaire who needs a little virgin girl to “fix him”, or some ugly immortal come to save them from themselves. They want that bullshit and if they’re willing to let EMK or whoever else spoon feed it to them, then let them learn for themselves. But why get worked up over it because chances are they aren’t going to listen to you…or me for that matter. Again, I can see the bullshit within the words, but I can also see the good stuff that’s in there to a point. It’s not about the whole message. It’s about the context. We ALL have to learn to change, to adapt, to accept, to love ourselves and stop trying to make others happy.
I’d just like to leave you with one last thought on the refusal to be introspective. You strike me as a smart girl so I’m sure you’ve heard Einstein’s theory on insanity. Trust me, it’s not a theory. The other more succinct way of putting is “if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” As I said, they’re cliches for a reason.
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Miranda said:
“Somehow I stumbled onto this blog by accident.”
For some reason I never trust anyone who says that. I mean why the fuck do you even feel the need for such a disclaimer?
I didn’t read past that point yet. I have a feeling you’re going to bore the fuck out of me, so now I need to decide whether or not it’s worth the effort to reply to you for the sake of refuting the bullshit that I somehow just KNOW you’re going to spew for the sake of readers who DO legit happen to stumble onto this blog and who might be on the fence. Seriously though. Fuck you for putting me in that position.
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Sarah said:
Not all of us wanted sports jocks. It was only the top to tty that went with them. I’m tired of men accusing women of having inflated egos re their looks. Many women are insecure as fuck re their looks. Eating disorders obsession with surgery etc.. im tired of hearing about the overwhelming choices re marriage proposals when we were young. All i remember is overwhelming choices of cock and commitment was hard to obtain. Women do need to be attracted to a guys appearance irrespective of whether he is good looking or not. Another lie men believe is that we don’t care. It works both ways. Beauty is in the eye an all that..
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Mohoto said:
Tim sounds like EMK, even the way they type.
I am glad I am not the only one who find EMK to be such a worthless piece of shit.
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Jay D Kaputski said:
EMK is a suck-ass narcissistic bullshiter. That’s how he makes a living. What is your beef? WTF made you so angry? The hatred you showed is just like a chick who once lashed out at me because I wouldn’t do her anal.
I would fuck myself if I could.
Fuck you, too.
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Miranda said:
Are you drunk?
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Morgana Rae said:
Well Miranda, I hired Evan Mark Katz (the “suck-ass-narcissistic bullshitter”) and he helped me get into my happiest romantic relationship ever. I’ve been head over heels in love with my sweetheart for 19 months now.
I don’t understand your hostility. If you want to understand relationships from a guy’s perspective, that’s what he does.
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Miranda said:
I explained my “hostility” towards him. My condolences if you’re too stupid to understand the first time around, because I don’t have the patience to explain it twice.
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sunflower2016 said:
Yes you found the love of your life thanks to EMK and just happened one day to come across a blog criticizing him (that just happens to be near the top of the Google search rankings) and just needed to share your compelling story.
Yeah right.
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Elle said:
Are any of you posting in successful, healthy, happy relationships???
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Wendy said:
Yup, very much so. In fact, once I STOPPED following EMK’s advice and did what came natural to me (as opposed to “acting” like a person some horrible guy would be attracted to), that’s when everything fell into place. Been with my guy 4 years now and he frequently tells me this is the best relationship he’s ever been in (we’re in our mid-40s). The only reason I go back to EMK’s site is to have a laugh (my BF thinks he’s a clueless jerk, too) and learn what NOT to do in a relationship.
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Gabe Asher said:
Miranda rules! I want her! I love feminine women!
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Miranda said:
I wish drunken idiots would stop running into my blog on the way to pornhub.
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roja said:
Morgana Rae, I congratulate you on finding a wonderful man/relationship but I hardly believe that it was EMK’s doing. You found him because it was meant to be. EMK’s advice to women is to utterly disengage from your natural authentic self as a woman & become some tolerant robot who “accepts” men for “who they are”. I call BULLSHIT. Women don’t have to & shouldn’t put up with bullshit behavior from men like going to strip joints, watching porn all the time, ogling other women, not calling etc. EMK would have you believe that is all “natural” & you are to accept it with gratitude! HAHAHA. EMK is a moron. Period. He serves no woman any good, what he tries to do is brow beat women into becoming something they are not, emotionless, tolerant, inauthentic beings. He would also have you believe that if your man goes to a strip joint & it bothers you that means you are “insecure”, “jealous”, have “low self esteem” & are unrealistic, all of which are just not true. What it means is you are a woman & have feelings like a woman which EMK knows NOTHING about. EMK should be banned from the internet honestly, he’s doing a disservice to both men & women. And for Elle, yes, I am in a great relationship, thank you!
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Kate said:
Thank you for writing this article. I totally agree. Whenever I type in questions about dating situations I find his blog comes up first so I often end up reading his articles. I started to notice I would always feel pretty depressed after reading them and picked up a subtle yet distinct air of misogyny in his articles but wondered if I was the only one. Advice websites aren’t meant to harm their readers but I would say his website is harmful and always makes me feel awful about myself. I’m not American but if I was I’d say he’s clearly a massive ‘douchebag.’
There are much better dating advice websites out there that support, encourage, cheer and inspire both men and women, it would be good if they came up first in the search engine instead of his but as someone pointed out he clearly bought all the google words related to dating.
Anyway thanks again, I feel a little better knowing I’m not the only one who is completely uneasy about this unpleasant man spreading his hurtful opinions all over the web.
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Prospect said:
Frankly I’m especially suspicious of male dating/relationship coaches who aim their businesses at women; I’m tired of men telling women what to do.
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Jess said:
I totally agree with everything you said. His ramblings always come up in everything regarding dating. I’m supposed to be ok thinking men always crave variety and that I can never be everything my future partner needs (I’m in college now). How long will the speculations of the highly unscientific field called evolutionary psychology be used to justify shallow behaviour…It’s all that comes up online usually and I’m sick of it! Also I cannot believe what woman would put up with Evan long-term. My ideal relationship would be a true partnership like what Paul Newman and his wife Joanne had. Funny how someone so gorgeous and talented valued his woman so much and did not see her as a mediocre baby factory. He is everything repulsive to me on so many levels, and I hope you write more articles regarding how much bullshit he spews out.
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Angie said:
Miranda,
The audience for EMK aren’t necessarily deluded but they are vulnerable. I found his site through another dating guru Rori Raye. Found her after I was recovering from a marriage which consisted mostly of domestic violence and drugging (his.) The reasons why I sought that nonsense out was simple: When one gets out of those situations in the immediate aftermath there is usually a great deal of self blame. Most of the crap directed at victims of violence (both women and men) is essentially ‘co-dependency” theory, blaming the victim’s parents and shaming the victim for not setting boundaries. (No, I am sure I was pretty clear I didn’t want him to try to kill me. Very clear, actually.)
Even though I was in no condition to be in another relationship, I was still weak enough to believe that if I only I understood men better, what happened wouldn’t have happened. That’s a load of shit obviously but when one is recovering, it takes time for strength and reason to be restored.
First I found Raye (paid about $250 for her to tell me to hum through my vagina), then EMK’s newsletter, then someone even creepier, Renee Wade. No disrespect to the woman above who said EMK’s advice helped her find her a relationship, but as with on-line psychics sites or MRA forums, one doesn’t end up there unless one is more or less, however temporarily, damaged goods. Normal people don’t need dating gurus, or use The Game.
Looking back, EMK’s posts reek of passive aggressive hatred of his slightly older wife. I mention the older part because the rape post was not the best example of his border line hysteria when it comes to women and sexuality. Having a sex worker speak on her own behalf was likely the most enlightened thing he was ever going to do. For a comparison, check out the posts where a 30 something woman (a beauty, his readers are assured) lands a “high status” 55 year old man versus the letter where a divorcee in her late 40s admits she only wants to have sex with 30 something men for a while. He piles himself in bullshit high and deep.
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Jo said:
Angie, I also tried Rori Raye and I laugh when you say her advice taught you how to hum through your vagina. lol I bought into Rori’s circular dating for a bit. The concept works to some degree but you can’t “heal” a relationship that is broken with a broken man and it won’t inspire a man to marry you if he isn’t the right guy. I find that underlying message with both Renee and Rori’s work that your feminine energy can so powerfully influence and “change” a man is very dangerous and encouraging women to tolerate too much crap from a guy who is wrong for them. We aren’t responsible for other people’s bad behavior or the cause of it, we just choose how we react to it. Being the best version of oneself with invoke a guy to treat a woman better because she is confident but if he’s still the wrong guy for you, he’s still the wrong guy.
And Renee Wade has some valuable articles but she’s clearly pushing an agenda for all women to become stay at home mothers and not work or have hobbies that are traditionally male because it’s “too masculine” and will make men less attracted to you. To me a woman’s femininity has nothing to do with whether she likes to play video games, knit, play sports, shop, be a lawyer, be married, a stay at home mother or engineer. She also tells women to tell themselves they aren’t attractive to men so they will be encouraged to do better. Negative self talk won’t help a woman who is struggling with feeling insecure.
Plus she feels the need to constantly state her disagreement with Rori. It raises a red flag for me when someone trying to sell a product has to state how they disagree with someone who is a potential rival. In addition, she has a Youtube video stating that her commitment control program isn’t a scam. I don’t understand why she felt the need to state that if it isn’t. I remember when I asked to cancel subscription to it, she did it without initially reimbursing me until I asked directly to be reimbursed. At least with other products that I trial tested, no one tried to keep my money
I commented on EMK’s blog before and while some of his advice makes sense, and I like the fact he doesn’t tell women they can change men, I just felt a negative energy about the way he intensely responded to my post simply because he disagreed. I wasn’t being critical and found the reaction to be a sign of narcissism. I don’t think he’s fully committed to his wife. he encourages women to let men be men but a lot of it includes “accepting” unclassy behavior. Not all married men think it’s ok to go to a strip club. Not all men think it’s ok to talk about sex the first time he meets someone. He also talks too much about how he “settled” for his wife and it doesn’t sound as though he’s madly in love with her.
I think all dating products and advice is over sold, and should be taken with a grain of salt. I think a lot of it can help improve your dating experiences but a lot of it just sounds like manipulation and it will drive you insane trying to make someone who is wrong for you commit to you.
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Sophi said:
I also bought into EMK after an abusive relationship, I was not married however. I even became a paying member of his FOCUS forum. I met many awesome women through there, a couple are now my IRL best friends but his advice is damaging. It operates under the assumption that all women are insecure and controlling, that we all fall in love via our vaginas and that all mean are ogres who cannot control their sexual urges. Some of his advice, with regards to online dating is absolutely useful. He knows how to set up a dating profile but after that, its shit. It had me accepting awfulness in hopes men would see the light, It also allowed me to be very emotionally unavailable myself. Now I am emotionally available, engaged to a man who is not an ogre, I didn’t need to be anything but myself around him, I didn’t need to be demure and do whatever he said. True relationships are based upon trust, you cannot trust a person who is unable to trust themselves enough to believe they are lovable the way they are.
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Myra Singh said:
“First I found Raye (paid about $250 for her to tell me to hum through my vagina), then EMK’s newsletter, then someone even creepier, Renee Wade. No disrespect to the woman above who said EMK’s advice helped her find her a relationship, but as with on-line psychics sites or MRA forums, one doesn’t end up there unless one is more or less, however temporarily, damaged goods. Normal people don’t need dating gurus, or use The Game.”
You really have a very low level of self respect.
First you say you bought a load of dating books and programs.
And then you say abnormal people buy such books and programs.
Ha ha ha!
And the joke’s on you!
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Myra Singh said:
“And Renee Wade has some valuable articles but she’s clearly pushing an agenda for all women to become stay at home mothers and not work or have hobbies that are traditionally male because it’s “too masculine” and will make men less attracted to you. To me a woman’s femininity has nothing to do with whether she likes to play video games, knit, play sports, shop, be a lawyer, be married, a stay at home mother or engineer. She also tells women to tell themselves they aren’t attractive to men so they will be encouraged to do better. Negative self talk won’t help a woman who is struggling with feeling insecure.
Plus she feels the need to constantly state her disagreement with Rori. It raises a red flag for me when someone trying to sell a product has to state how they disagree with someone who is a potential rival. In addition, she has a Youtube video stating that her commitment control program isn’t a scam. I don’t understand why she felt the need to state that if it isn’t. I remember when I asked to cancel subscription to it, she did it without initially reimbursing me until I asked directly to be reimbursed. At least with other products that I trial tested, no one tried to keep my money”.
Please send me the blog link in which Renee Wade asks women to stay-at-home.
Also send me the link of ‘negative self talk’.
I have read her blog and the above topics have bot been covered. Are you lying or what?
Renee has disagreed with Rori’s circular dating in just one blog post.
What do you mean by ‘constantly’?
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Zoey said:
I have to agree with Myra on Renee Wade. I am not big on any of these silly gurus anymore quite frankly, but the whole not having hobbies because she has had several blog posts on how it is feminine to care passionately about things that are important to the individual woman. Her idea of feminine is being unmasked and unrestricted and she has stated that what fuels mystery and “polarity” is having your *own* set of ideas and activities a.k.a hobbies) that enables you to re charge and refuel and bring that to the relationship table.
If anyone is restrictive in their idea of feminity, frankly it’s Rori. Don’t talk to him about politics, then you are being “masculine” and his equal. Don’t talk about his job or his problems then he will see you as his “teacher,” “mother,” or “therapist” not his lover and only talk to him in feeling messages. Just read her blog, it is enough to want to tear your hair out.
Like I said, none of these gurus are something to write home about, but Wade definitely isn’t saying feminine means giving up hobbies and all that. Either way, the whole “masculine” and “feminine” thing just needs to be given a rest already.
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Elle said:
Oh goodness, this guy just got featured on a Ted-x talk in the town I live in. I didn’t go to the event (6 speakers) because I was offended by this guy’s talk title. After reading through your post and some of the comments here, I’m so glad that I didn’t attend.
As a woman in her mid-30s, (single after many sad dating/love mishaps), who works in male-dominated field with inescapable sexism: I’m just glad to know that I’m not alone. This guy is out to exploit women…that’s all there is to it. Same old BS.
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Tanya said:
You guys are funny, funny, funny. I came across this blog by accident (MIRANDA DO NOT SHOOT ME!)
I was trying to find emk’s book online for free but you can’t get it ANYWHERE?!
Anyway, now that I’ve read this blog and subsequent responses, I feel I have been cured of my need for further brainwashing.
I guess if it’s meant to be, the right relationship will come along without me having to undergo a complete personality transplant!
Thanks for the insight guys.
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Miranda said:
Yes! Yes it will! And you can just be yourself, and if the guy doesn’t like that then he’s not the right guy for you. There. See how easy it is?? Too bad douchebags like EMK can’t just say that before shutting the hell up forever.
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Remy said:
Ive been reading and I have been trying to understand your motives. Your comments are viceral in nature and do not seem to from a lady who wants progressiveness between the sexes. Im shocked for real you do sound like you loath the existence of men. Im not sure how you are in a relationship but if this is any indication I would imagine finding any mate either sex would be difficult for you to maintain longevity. I respect your opinions but some are rooted in mis-guided frustation but its your blog and Im a man so I am a idiot in your eyes. Good day
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Jen said:
Miranda, don’t listen to these people who keep saying you sound bitter or like you hate men! It’s a ridiculous fall-back the MRAs and those essentially ideologically aligned with them always use. The second a woman utters any opinion at all even when the topic is innocuous, they’re there all over the Internet, to hit women where they’ve learned our vulnerable spots are: our appearance, our age, our relationship status, and our need for social acceptance and “permission to speak.” It’s a mind manipulation trick designed to take away our inclination to voice our opinions by making us sound like undatable, bitter, “ugly” hags. We start to think they’re right, we feel bad about ourselves, we don’t want to be alone, or undesirable to the mates we already have, and because of years of conditioning, we stop talking.
I LOVE YOU for not stopping talking. I love that you don’t back down the first time you hear a challenge. I am sad to say that I lack this courage to the extent that you have it. I’m working on it. I did have it, but my self-concept has been eroded by something I will discuss shortly.
When black people were being enslaved and then oppressed and treated like second-class citizens, they were bitter and they had a right to be. When Native Americans were forced off their own land and murdered, they were bitter and had a right to be. Women have a right to be bitter over being treated like they have no right to breathe free and live with self-assurance, and be who they are. Sometimes, bitter isn’t WRONG if you have good reason to be.
What Miranda is angry about is the perpetuation of dangerous, limiting attitudes that inherently take away a woman’s chances to live the self-actualized life she wants as the woman she actually IS and find a TRUE meeting of the minds and hearts with a man who gives her feelings of ecstasy. Men like EMK (and worse, and yes, there are worse, but I have the same feelings about him that you do) REPROGRAM THE MINDS OF THE POOL OF MEN WE MIGHT BE DATING (If you don’t fully get what Miranda is doing here, please re-read that bold text as many times as necessary, and I think you may awaken.). I have no doubts whatsoever that EMK, who once wrote a blog piece on how the “Pick-up artist” bullshit is a good thing (and this was when I first learned to dislike his views), was a PUA for at least some time before he met his wife. When you hear a guy throwing around terms like “alpha male” and “high status,” he was a pick up artist. I fell in love almost a year and a half ago with a much younger guy who turned out to be a PUA. I didn’t even know what PUA was. I met someone, he stared me down in a bar, I saw him, thought he was cute, we had chemistry, and we kept going for several months. It felt natural and beautiful and I didn’t realize I needed to see it as anything else. It turns out he is nowhere near secure in himself enough to be with a woman who speaks her mind and has her own boundaries and likes and dislikes — you know, kind of like as if she were a person. I never would have seen that in him when we got together. My ex is nothing if not a great student and scholar. When he puts his mind to learning pick-up, or anything else, he will absolutely master the material and it did. It ruined him. I didn’t know him before that, but I trust my heart and i know the man I loved really was down in there someplace. He broke my heart completely and was emotionally abusive and I still struggle to overcome the damage. The worst of the damage, though, is the door this opened to my reading about things about women my age all over the Internet that I had NO IDEA was what some people thought. To me, I was the same person and hadn’t changed, and I like me. I miss the blissful ignorance.
You spoke of the actual effect that people’s opinions online have on actual human lives. I am living testimony to this. The things I read immediately following that relationship took away my will to live and it’s a miracle I’m still here. Were I any less of a fighter, I’d be done. I’m 48. Apparently, I may as well be 98 to some people. If you think the sexism thing pisses you off, wait until you see what it turns into after your 45th birthday. That’s why it’s important to fight sexism….because it only gets worse when you get older and that shit needs to END. By the way, EMK has no short list of statements about how men can date younger, but women can’t. He is directly contributing to causing that to be true. I loved my ex. Our relationship was everything I wanted…or seemed to be at first. I saw my ex’s posts on his PUA forum, and I saw the place where his attitude about me changed from being really into me to being there only because he likes to fuck, and I’m suddenly a 6 because I’m “older.” This was not what he was saying to my face. I believe we would still be together and in love if he hadn’t been buying into all that PUA crap and loading it into his brain for years before I met him. This was not what he thought of me, this was what he’d been taught to think of me. We had the ‘what if he wants a baby’ thing worked out on the first date. Why does anyone have opinions about who others date? Why do dating sites require upfront that you talk about how old you are, like it’s assumed to be natural that age would be a disqualifier? You need to know two things that early on: Are you over 21? Do you want/can you have kids? Anything else is just about the two people involved, or should be.
My life has suffered, I have suffered, in real-world ways, because of what some people are putting out there and selling to others, often times without having really given full disclosure as to what they’re really buying into, coaxing them into spending more and more money to find out the full truth, and by then, they’re fully brainwashed. They’ve spent money, sometimes a lot of money, and a lot of time, putting all their hopes into the idea that this coach or that program, will make them the men they want to be. The sad truth was, who they were before they got there was probably a decent guy most people would have liked. They just had self-esteem issues.
Jen
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Myra Singh said:
Tanya,beware of free advice.
If you are able to download his book for free,you won’t use his advice.
The reason being we never value what we get for free.
And I don’t agree with Miranda’s comment-“And you can just be yourself, and if the guy doesn’t like that then he’s not the right guy for you. There. See how easy it is?”
Except that it is not so easy for majority of women in the real world.
To attract a certain kind of man,you need to be a certain kind of woman.
Dating books/programs are effective for those who believe in that dating coach.-Evan may not be for you.You need to find someone who suits your value better.
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Dimples said:
Thank you for this post Miranda – I absolutely abhor EMK and glad to see a like-minded gal voicing her opinion! Nothing makes me more sick than a slick,misogynistic troll preying on vulnerable young women and making money off of that. Enough already!
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Lara said:
Is this blog serious? I am an avid reader of EMK and although I don’t agree with everything he says, his general message is always on point. It’s not about being “passive” although it’s unfortunate that he did use that word in the quote you showed in your post. but really all he means is that the guy should be the one to dictate the pace of the relationship IN THE BEGINNING. This is not because women are weak, it’s because society has taught men that they are the hunters. If you want to go and change all of society, be my guest but I’m not about to risk living alone for the rest of my life because I’m an advocate for the modern day feminist.
If anything, it’s just about simple math. The odds of a guy being interested in you if he asks you out on a date are way higher than if you ask him. Yes, of course you can ask him first, or initiate sex etc. but society has told him that it’s his job to do that and if he likes you then he will.
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Miranda said:
“Is this blog serious?”
Nah, it’s totally a joke bruh. Now don’t you feel kinda dumb that you wasted so much time defending the silly pube FOR NO APPARENT REASON?
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Lare said:
The only reason I need to defend him is that I agree that his advice can be useful. It’s not his fault if you mis-interpret what he’s trying to say. ie. Waiting for a guy to ask you out does not mean you are “weak”, that’s clearly not what he meant but it’s what you’re implying.
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Miranda said:
Waiting for someone else to make a move is giving them the power. Lack of power= weakness. Jesus christ it’s not rocket science. But it is kind of sad to watch people like you try to rationalize it in the hopes that we are all dumb enough to be swayed by a few words. Move along kid. You’re barking up the wrong tree.
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She-Roar said:
I’ve been reading through this blog and had to stop and reply to Lara. I understand what you’re saying about the guy setting the pace, but that is such a frustrating and powerless concept. It doesn’t allow the woman to be herself. God forbid she doesn’t behave properly in his eyes, the relationship won’t move forward! In that case, the man has all the power and will dictate how and where the relationship will go. What crap. Let it happen! Be yourself. If you want to see the guy, initiate an activity! I’ve done that, waited for guys to text or call me because just like you said, waited for him to set the pace. Men have given up because according to them, I never showed enough interest. So who is alone now. Why should men be the one to steer the darn relationship. I have wasted so much time on such ideas!
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Myra Singh said:
Lara,you are making the entire relationship dance way simplistic than what it really is the real world.
It is not just about whether a guy asks you out or you ask him out.
There are many different aspects of a male-female relationship on which I will not elaborate because for that you need to attend high level complex relationship programs,trust the coach blindly & implement the advice given in the programs.
But such courses are not for people like you who love to read free advice and then sit on your ass and fart and do nothing else about their situation in life.
Such programs are meant for people who genuinely passionately desire to improve their personal life for an exceptionally great relationship and success in professional life too.
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Miranda said:
“There are many different aspects of a male-female relationship on which I will not elaborate because for that you need to attend high level complex relationship programs,trust the coach blindly & implement the advice given in the programs.”
Is this satire?
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4blossoms said:
Thank you so much for calling out this godawful loser misogynistic male apologist! I can’t count the number of times I wanted to roundhouse kick his face in after reading one of his crappy woman-hating posts. Katz has so much contempt and hatred for women that I find it incredible that he is trying to give women advice! It’s like an animal-hater trying to give you advice on how to take care of a pet! No thanks, you freak! I had just read another one of his monoric posts a moment ago before deciding to google “Evan Marc Katz is a jerk” and found your blog! In that post a reader tells him that her male friend had been showing signs that he liked her, such as calling her daily and saying that he fantasized about her. When she confessed her feelings to him he rejected her and she asks EMK why. The first thing Katz says to her is that she “didn’t read him right”. Really? What kind of a-hole tells his female friend “I fantasize about you” but flat out rejects her romantically? Katz does not mention a single word about this guy being a piece of s*** but immediately launches into a diatribe against the reader for reading the wrong signs. What kind of friggin’ sign is she not reading correctly?? Not a word of support out of this moron’s mouth. Ever.
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Marcus Beasley said:
Yea, EMK is a little bitch. He’s racist too.
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Mel said:
Hi Miranda,
It’s great to see that someone is getting some critical thinking out there about some of the dating info peddlers online. I read some of EMK’s posts and while there may be some valuable truth in some of the things he writes ( for some men, in some stages of their lives, in some cultures ) my husband’s only comment was ‘who’s this douchbag?’ I’m serious. We have a relative who is a narcissist and can see some similarities. This was especially evident in an article about how his wife ‘copes’ with who he is.
Basically, he considers himself an alpha male (due to having women swarming around him or something like that) but doesn’t realise that it is men who confer alpha status on other men not men on themselves or women to men. You know like boxers who uphold another boxer with great respect etc. As a female I do not recognise him as an alpha male at all, I’d need to see a lot of evidence from males around him to see that and he wouldn’t be writing a blog about this stuff! Also, very critical of others, cannot tolerate other opinions or being challenged for his own so dismisses others, justifies his ‘right’ to go to strippers or whatever and says his wife accepts that that is how it is and he’s not going to change for anyone kind of ramblings.
A person’s character is so important if you are looking for some guidance or advice from someone. I don’t think it is presented well on his blog and makes me question whether that is the right place to get advice. Sure, if you like the character traits displayed then you will probably attract a similar type of person using his techniques. However, if you want to meet someone who is interested in progressing as a human being away from a sense of entitlement there are other more suitable mentors out there.
In a nutshell, I think he’s suitable for women who want to find a man with his attitudes and character traits, and to be ignored by women who wish for something with substance.
Cheers
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Elizabeth bennett said:
This is beautiful, Miranda. But, i am not surprised that some women are siding on the douches side. Its sad and pathetic at how far we’ve come and yet some choose to have a backwards way of thinking. Have you read steve harveys book, its the most sexist and disgusting thing ive ever read!
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Miranda said:
Never read it but I imagine the douche-factor is off the charts. I HATE Steve Harvey. HATE.
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Silk said:
Wish I read your site, before I read his. “He doesn’t like it when people call him on his bullshit so good luck trying to do that on his turf.” I JUST did that, I called him out he hasn’t posted my comment. God I wish I read your site first! What a douche! Anyway I was right he’s in the wrong! He’s anti-feminist!?! What a douche! Push back the clock so womyn can’t vote, etc, etc, wants womyn to be like submissive or something does he?!? Double douche! Now I’m no George Clooney or Bradley Cooper but have you seen a photo of him?!? How he ever got a girl in the first place I do not know, probably a sweet young thing which he sleazed onto and said something well… Sleazy! What a douche! God I wish I read your site first, thank-you Miranda for pointing out the sleazy creep that he is! :)
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princessbowen32 said:
Way to go Miranda! EMK is a spin merchant, lining his pockets off the insecurity of modern women! His advice sucks and causes his gullible followers to waste an eternity over analysing every action in their dating lives. I am single and happy that way. I gave up on trying to follow such shitty advice and pleasing men years ago. I do hope to meet a sincere gentleman but so far my experience as been mosty loser players and I have simply decided not to partake in their silly games as I am above that. The absolute proof that EMK is a fraudster is the fact that year after year his followers are still posting away about their miseries of dating. They need to wake up and stop acting like damsels in distress and use their common sense which can easily weed out a loser or player without having to cough up some money to EMK.The thing I hate the most about the EMK Harem is that whenever any female calls him out on his BS they resort to calling you bitter or implying that you must be single. Its a shame that some women think that being in a relationship or marriage gives them the right to become an entitled scoffer that has the right to sneer at single women. Miranda I think you are great keep telling the truth! Peace xx
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princessbowen32 said:
Way to go Miranda! EMK is a spin merchant, lining his pockets off the insecurity of modern women! His advice sucks and causes his gullible followers to waste an eternity over analysing every action in their dating lives. I am single and happy that way. I gave up on trying to follow such shitty advice and pleasing men years ago. I do hope to meet a sincere gentleman but so far my experience as been mosty loser players and I have simply decided not to partake in their silly games as I am above that. The absolute proof that EMK is a fraudster is the fact that year after year his followers are still posting away about their miseries of dating. They need to wake up and stop acting like damsels in distress and use their common sensewhich can easily weed out a loser or player without having to cough up some money to EMK.The thing I hate the most about the EMK Harem is that whenever any female calls him out on his BS they resort to calling you bitter or implying that you must be single. Its a shame that some women think that being in a relationship or marriage gives them the right to become am entitled scoffer and sneer at single women. Miranda I think you are great keep telling the truth! Peace xx
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northern irish bird said:
Miranda
Thank you! thank you! thank you ! I have just read the thoroughly depressing article and thread:
http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/marriage/my-husband-had-a-stripper-at-his-bachelor-party-and-im-still-angry/
and have spat more feathers than on a whistling swan! Went straight to new window and typed in evan marc katz wanker and found this article….what a total tosser, I couldn’t even be arsed to grace his page with a response.
So glad I found this blog
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Janell said:
Hi Miranda! I know I’m a year late but wanted to provide my input. I thought that I was the only one who didn’t like EMK. The responses he gives to women is with a sarcastic undertone. His ingenuity for his readers is so prevalent that I’ve often wondered how he became a dating coach in the first place. He doesn’t seem to like or cherish Women. I don’t even recall him saying anything good about women to uplift or empower. Surprising to me, many seem to like him. I stopped paying attention to him years ago when I came to terms with what I don’t like about his coaching style. I tried to like him but I just couldn’t. Recently, at a seminar, I heard him on a panel with other dating coaches. Because I liked the other coaches is why I listened. The moderator was female and he kept going in on her because she asked him last for his expertise. I agreed with some of the things that he said and others I did not. He still had that sarcastic undertone and kept harping about being asked last, it was annoying. As a result, towards the end of the discussion, she started with him first. I think it was just to make him happy. His behavior rectified why I pay no attention to what he has to say.
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Robert said:
Hi Miranda! When I saw http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/online-dating-tips-advice/love-happens-when-you-least-expect-it-not/#comment-4194087 I knew there wasn’t anything uplifting about it at all, and I could tell just by looking at EMK, he’s a total misogynist, and to me there is no doubt he’s never met the right woman in his life. I’m not even a dating expert and I know how to treat women better than this loser! You just gotta be insecure and flat-out naive to listen to this douchebag… I just called him out on the BS in that article I am showing to you, and you know what? After just a little bit of research after discovering him, I wouldn’t be surprised if he really can’t stand criticism so well, he’d never let the comment show. Thank you for spreading the truth, keep up the excellent work.
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Juliet said:
EMK is so incredibly hostile to his commenters every time he jumps in to reply, for this reason I stopped reading him long ago. I couldn’t imagine taking advice from someone who is so patently unkind.
Someone above hit the nail on the head – EMK is a narcissist. Exactly right. Exactly the type of man we are warned to avoid.
And no, he’s no alpha male, despite what he says. Alpha males don’t make a living write dating blogs for women. Period.
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sunflower2016 said:
“Alpha males don’t make a living write dating blogs for women. Period.”
upvote!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Beth Enfield said:
Hi Miranda,
I was very pleased to find you blog about EMK. I thought that I was the only one who thought that this guy was completely bananas-crazy. Back in, we’ll say 2006, I contacted him and I am ever so glad that I came to my senses. He hates smart and intelligent women, who call him out on his bs. That’s it. I remember in my conversation with him that I was in grad school getting my Ph.D., which he immediately seized on and all I can say, is that he was condescending. He especially doesn’t like Jewish women from the North East. I decided for hahas to take him up on his offer, which was something like $1500.00. That’s what his services were and even said that he couldn’t guarantee anything. I asked him, “Why? If you are the almighty dating coach, and you are as full of yourself, why not?” He would not elaborate. Needless to say, I emailed the next day canceling his beloved coaching.
It was one of my more stupid moments in life. Let’s zoom to about circa now, I’ve got my Ph.D., got my self-worth, and still have my $1500.00 and plenty of men who think I’m great, just as I am.
The problem with EMK is now that he is totally wrong, it’s that he is self-hater. I would suggest for fun, read his NYT marriage announcement, it may provide some interesting insight into WHY this man works the way he does. But he does not like Jewish women, and is completely threatened by them.
Keep fighting the good fight.
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chloetron2014 said:
I had a sneaking feeling Evan Katz is a vampire.
Does he seriously think he was a player or an ‘alpha’ why do people even describe men as alpha or beta ? isn’t that suitable for the ape kingdom. Does it have any basis in science at all?
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Miranda said:
“Does it have any basis in science at all?”
Nope. Not that they’d ever let that stop them.
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chloetron2014 said:
I was really concerned when I read his response to a woman who said she was freaked out by men bombarding her with calls and demanding commitment after two dates. But he insisted women who complained they couldn’t find committed relationships but then backed off when men showed interest were their own worst enemies. but after only two dates?! How could the man possibly know after two dates. why is it he keeps saying women cant trust when they ‘know’ instantly if someone is right for them, but men can know straight away? How can she know she wants to spend her life with him after TWO DATES.
If they had been dating for a few months and she backed off, well I would agree with him. But why must she instantly commit simply because he has decided he wants her? without her getting a chance to even see his character over time.
shouldn’t he be lecturing men to stop instantly ‘knowing’ and take their time?
I thought he said some good things on other posts but that really disturbed me.
Apparently according to the Love Fraud site, the sign of a sociopath courting you is the too much too soon love bombing. its usually followed by a descent into hell.
I’ve watched female friends of mine swept up in intense relationships suddenly by men like that only to find themselves trapped in a nightmare they can’t get out of. And then they are blamed for not reading the signs.
And if men supposedly use physical attraction as the deciding factor then find out about the womans character later….and she turns out to be a sociopath…too late sunshine.
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Wendy said:
Chloetron, you’re spot on! EMK lost me when he suggested that a woman who lets someone know when she’s going on a first date with a guy is being a paranoid freak because all men are 100% trustworthy. WHAT?!?!? He’s one of those guys that screwed a lot of women (God knows how he pulled that off) and now he thinks he understands everything there is to know about all of us. What a jerk!
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Jen said:
It is a sign or sociopathy/narcissism. I regret to say, I know. It’s why the post I wrote up above sounds so conflicted with regard to my feelings for my ex. I’m an narcissistic abuse survivor. Any time I tried to set boundaries or pace things, he’d subtly threaten to leave and move on to someone else, which he ultimately did for those reasons. He was also very possessive very early, but after a boring, cold marriage for many years, I craved it. I agree with you. If a man should think a woman has issues if she wants to be with him super fast, a woman should think the same thing.
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chloetron2014 said:
I’m sorry, I just can’t let this go…. There is no excuse for a wealthy modern man who lives in a thriving metropolis to have a haircut as bad as the one Evan Katz has.
If you can’t be a good dating coach at least have good hair. Hes’ got a nice head of curls and he just does not maximise it.
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chloetron2014 said:
anyone who wants to ‘commit’ to someone after two dates is in love with a fantasy. And if Evan Katz insists chemistry is deceptive and never lasts why does he insist that the pace of the relationship be set by the man addled by his own illusions?
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jenn said:
Had to throw my two cents in as I loved this blog. I happened upon EMK due to being part of Katarina Phang ‘ s cult which I have since escaped from. Both parties basically touted the same concept and both basically tore women down until they were desperate enough to throw money at them to ease their heartache. Me included
You’re right, this male and female role play is not only unhealthy but it’s neanderthal. This is 2015, not the 1400s. Women don’t have to settle for some asshole just to survive the middle ages without starving. We are capable of thinking for ourselves and thankfully we live in a day and age where we can be independent, due to some very inspirational trailblazers.
KP should be avoided too, to be honest. Her big thing is that when a man fades or a relationship ends, it is the woman’s fault. We drive men away, we make them cheat, we nag, we talk, we don’t make dinner on time, it’s all us. The guy is completely blameless. In fact, she contradicts herself many times with the whole pedestal argument. Make the man put you on a pedestal but accept ebery Shitty thing he does because that is feminine and you will forever be single if you don’t accept every part of a guy. She also makes him out to be some kind of a superhero that can sense our anxiety from miles away. If men were thst talented, we wouldn’t be looking for dating advice, nor would they because they would have us figured out. And cure cancer too while they’re at it
EMK philosophy on making the guy do all the legwork is archaic too. He claims his wife never called or messaged him or anything and that made him want her more. Thst is the biggest load of crap. I don’t know a guy out there that doesn’t like an ego boost every now and then when a girl he has taken out once or twice messages him to say hi. Who doesn’t like that?! What’s so wrong and unhealthy about that (unless it’s every five minutes or somethong) basically KP and EMK both claim repeatedly thst this act alone will frighten a man off, and therefore blaming us again if it goes wrong. You know why u didn’t make it to date 3? Because u messaged him last Thursday to say hello, that’s why. You freaked him out. Bullshit
The other thing they both claim and it’s basically just a life preserver is that when their methods don’t work, it’s because you need to work on yourself. Well no shit, we are all sad and want to date quality men and that’s how we found them. So none of us are absolutely perfect or even emotionally super healthy. So to claim that it didn’t work because we are not emotionally perfect is convenient for them. Never mind the fact that the men that are are attracted to women that blow them off and ignore them are generally stalkers, and men so starved for attention thst they can’t handle you not replying. Yeah…..cuz we all want men like that
An alpha male isn’t afraid of a powerful woman. A genuine man with a big heart will value her character, be impressed that she’s not afraid to speak her mind, want to know what makes her tick, will want to do what he can to impress her because she clearly has high standards. The meek, the easy, the woman that let’s a man get away with everything so as to stay in a feminine role is the one attracting the losers who stalk them or the ones that want to walk all over them. Period . No thank you.
Best thing I ever did was leave KP Facebook group. I attracted a lunatic but of course according to the group, this was the one because he stalked me into submission. I followed the rules and to this day, 6 months later am still paying for what he stole and he can’t set foot into my city without being arrested. Never again will I listen to some “guru” who tells me to stop being who I am so that I can presumably attract again good guy. Not happening. If a guy can’t accept me as I am, do I really want him?
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Miranda said:
I’m mildly tempted to google this Katarina Phang person because I’ve never heard of her. But since it’s the middle of the afternoon and i don’t have a giant bottle of Jack Daniels to help me cope with what I’m sure to find, I think I’m going to pass.
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Zoey said:
Hi! You are so spot on with this. Rori Raye does the EXACT same thing. Lean back, don’t lean forward, don’t call, don’t text, don’t pay, don’t work, don’t cook or clean, don’t talk about politics, don’t talk about anything logical, don’t be his teacher and only use feeling messages all the time and ONLY talk about emotions in “I feel hungry,” or “I feel” this or that.
I was stupid (and vulnerable) enough to listen and try and follow this bunk five years ago and I found myself being taken advantage of by people. She (Rori), Evan, and Katrina advise stupidly that if a man is interested in you right off the bat then give him a chance and always “be open.” Well as mentioned above, that is just not healthy and I learned that the hard way.
These dating coaches, and Internet life coaches in general, have a very strange ideology. Dogmatic really. They tend to promote anti science, anti mental health, anti social values (racism, sexism, women’s rights, human right, domestic violence, etc.) thinking and it is really getting out of hand. I am not even fully against the concept of feminine/masculine energy understanding. It can be valuable and useful in the right context. However, the way they advocate and promote it is very detrimental and dangerous for women in particular.
If you are walking around giving every scuzz ball a chance just because they profess live for you after the first ten minutes of meeting you (I am not exaggerating. I was one who actually did this), and get mentally raped (or even physically taken advantage of, as both are true in my case) in the process, what good is all this?! First find a healthy and empowered sense of self, then find a healthy and empowered man…then create and build a healthy and TRUSTING relationship. THEN play around with these energies. But do NOT jump in when you are not strong in yourself first. These energies are NOT meant to be and/or use just in any old circumstances or with any schmoo that comes along.
Sorry for the rant. I could go on forever on this topic. So glad to find blogs and discussions like these.
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Zoey said:
I forgot to add about the feminine/masculine energies concept, that it has to be *mutual* in the context of a trusting, safe and secure relationship. It is NOT a way to keep an unhealthy relationship where the balance of power is skewed going, nor is it a replacement for someone who needs professional help to take on as a role. Also I want to add about being “feminine” and in that energy, it is exactly NOT about being a stepford wife and/or allowing a man (or anyone) to treat you poorly and take advantage of you. These silly dating gurus who throw around these ancient concepts for the sake of forwarding their own agendas really upset me.
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wbotb said:
Ive had a couple of disputes with Katerina Phang and although I dislike many of her concepts, I don’t dislike her as much as EMK. I don’t like her idea of polarity or that initiating contact with a man makes a woman seem masculine. When men are feeling it, they are given the liberty to go with their feelings. When women are feeling it, we are told to stuff it down and wait for him.
Sorry but I’m not a masochist. I’ve had more success with men by being open about what I want than just sitting there and thinking I’m keeping him guessing. How does keeping him guessing make him interested in me as a person when I’m playing the same game as other women who follow Katarina and EMK?
I’d rather a man be annoyed by me wanting to communicate my feelings than have him fall for me because I took some cookie cutter approach. I don’t know why these women don’t realize that when they “snag” a man this way that it is the game he falls for, not them.
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anon said:
I find this kind of shit irritating too, but it might just be because I’m from the UK and it’s a different culture. A lot of dating advice etc (never looked at any until recently and was frankly shocked) acts as if there is a significant difference between the genders and that women should act one way and men should act another. I think both genders should act respectfully toward one another and see one another as equal and it’s really no more complicated than that. It doesn’t matter when you have sex or how often you see each other or when you start calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend, it’s about how much you are willing to look after one another’s feelings, communicate like adults and compromise. Dating advice makes it sound like a battleground completely unnecessarily.
I think if you’re really insecure you might start believing that kind of crap, and when I’ve been feeling really anxious and unable to sort my own thoughts out I’ve started to read that sort of stuff too, but most of us realise these are insecure women and insecure men in some kind of frenzy. There’s nothing to fear in the opposite gender. We’re all just human beings at the end of the day.
I am a little concerned about people like EMK in that they make money out of a message that really is very simple and when I’ve read his stuff I’ve been worried about the fact it could be read as ‘play hard to get’. That’s how I take ‘don’t initiate’. Frankly, if I was always the one to organise dates or initiate sex with a man and he never did so in return I would feel like he might not be interested and I would lose interest. I don’t see why men would react differently. I expect that if I never contact a man unless he contacts me then that man would ‘get the picture’ as it were, because I only really react that way around people I’m just not that interested in getting to know.
Equality is key, that’s all you really need to know. Communication, levels of interest and all of that should be equal. You don’t need to pay money to realise that.
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Remy said:
Let me talk to Miranda.
Hey Miranda I want to address you cause you wrote the blog. Ok ok here it goes heres were I stand with dating between the sexes. I think alot if not most of our issues boil down to social grooming. What do I mean? I mean that boys from a very young age are groomed a certain as well as the young girls. It is this grooming that by the time we are adults we totally dont understand each other. Your write up does sound bitter it does not sound like its coming from a person who really wants men and woman to get each other it sounds like its coming from a person who enjoys being single because she hates most men and I get why you hate most men and why most men hate women. Its our grooming its no good in this country.
Think about it little boys are taught they are to be kings of all they touch and that people should respect them because they are men and that we are to select our woman and we are to court her treat her nice spoil her marry her and she is to respect her husband and blah blah blah. Young girls are taught similar crap too that they are soft dainty princesses that deserve whatever they want because of they are beautiful, smart, etc. At no point during our early years as kids does society groom us to treat each other equally and that it is ok for a woman to take the lead in relationships versus the man its never in our programming as kids and if you want men to see women differently its time we groom our young boys and girls differently. You cant be a princess and then grow up to be the King of your Queendom and neither can boys be taught to be the ruler of their domain but then meet staunch opposition from almost every desirable woman when they are grown. Its not fair for either sex we are both getting short changed and woman like you who have a voice need to see that we are both being short changed out of what we want.
Lets clear men and women arent equal and thats ok it does not mean one is more important than the other or a man is above a woman we are not equal cause we are different and that is another good thing.
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Miranda said:
Hmm. I am conflicted. And I do not like it when I am conflicted because it almost always means that I’m going to have to put some effort into this whole thinking thing and I wasn’t necessarily in the mood to do that right now. So right off the bat I do not like you very much. Just so you know. But you’re here now so I suppose we should get on with it. I actually agree with some of what you say. The only thing that you seem to be a little dense about (other than your silly wrong-headed critique of me) is that the blogger that I have such an issue with here is one of the ones who perpetuates this shit that you claim to have a distaste for. So I’m not really sure why your issue is with me rather than EMK. Maybe you just haven’t thought things through properly though. Luckily for you I’m in a somewhat forgiving mood so I’ll let it slide this time.
Let’s assume for a minute that you are correct and that I am bitter. You yourself give a good reason for this bitterness in your response. I mean you did actually acknowledge something important when you said this,
Gee, I wonder why anyone who is not a man would be bitter about being surrounded men, when way too many of them think they deserve reverence by sheer virtue of the fact that they have dicks?
And I wonder what the effect might be of teaching men that they are superior to women and that they are entitled to reverence from women?
Might one of the effects be that women get the shit beat out of them on a daily basis by some of these men for not being subservient enough? Might it be that men kill entire families on a somewhat regular basis when society fails to make good on its promise to them that they literally fucking own these families they get to lead? GEE I DON’T FUCKING KNOW BUT IT SURE SOUNDS POSSIBLE.
You make some good points about the fact that some of the problems between women and men are created and enforced by society. But you lose me (and yourself) by your failure to acknowledge that it is men who benefit from this. Most of these “problems” are the direct result of a gender-essentialist social construct which places men in the power class and women in the submissive one. Gender is hierarchical, my friend. This idea that men and women have different brains may seem relatively harmless on its face. But it is the foundation of hierarchical constructs, which are built on and maintained firstly by the separation of people into classes (based on their gender, ethnicity, etc.) and secondly by the dehumanization of the subordinate class by the one in power. This dehumanization occurs when the subordinate class is believed to be so fundamentally different that it renders the individuals in the power class completely incapable of relating to and thus having the ability to empathize with them. See how that works? Oh, right. Of course you see it, because you yourself are making this very claim and using the exact same reasoning I just spelled out:
You sound like an idiot when you say that men and women aren’t equal because we are different for buying into the notion that these differences exist in the first place. The differences between men and women aren’t as vast as the differences AMONG men and women. In other words, there really aren’t that many differences between men and women. Take us, for example. I’m a woman and you have a dick. The only difference I see between us is that you’re clearly a moron who doesn’t think things through before posting on blogs and I’m not. But if I apply your logic to the two of us, that we are different and that the differences between us make one of superior and therefore entitled to dominate and control the other, then my obvious intellectual superiority dictates that you have to do whatever the fuck I say. Does this mean I should yell at you to shut the fuck up before your irrational screeching gives me an ulcer?
I don’t want men to see women “differently”. I want men to see women as human. I’m guessing that’s way over your head. (Both heads, mutherfucker.)
Also, run-on sentences make my head hurt. And I see that I have at least two other comments in my que from you. I’m going to be really fucking cranky if the other two are as difficult to read as this one was.
On a positive note, you did remind me that I have a blog, and I do so love to read the things I write, so at least your visit wasn’t a total waste.
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Wendy said:
OMG, I’m so glad I found this blog! EMK pisses me the hell off! I couldn’t possibly agree with you more about the vomit he spews and calls “advice.” I found his blog after my POS husband cheated on me in hopes of learning more about how I could be successful with men as I re-entered the dating world. And guess what? All I learned from him is that men are wonderful, glowing examples of the best humanity have to offer, even if they cheat and lie and treat you like garbage. In face, according to EMK, if he treats you bad, it’s YOUR fault. Do the guy a favor and dump him! He also thinks a woman is a paranoid psycho-bitch if she doesn’t trust the guy 100% from the get-go. I mean, all that advice my mom gave me about meeting a guy in public the first time, not letting him pick me up at my house, letting a girlfriend know his name and where you’re going, all that was BAD TRAINING. So go ahead, meet that guy from Craigslist in a dark alley behind some seedy bar…EMK says he’s trustworthy! I hate that bastard.
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wbotb said:
I love how your mind is so free from the matrix of the social construct. I made this decision when I was about 16 years old. Free thinker ever since.
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Happy said:
I am a woman in her 30’s and I recently married a man who had turned out to be my best friend and partner for life. But before I met my husband, I was 10 years deep into the vortex of the the douchie LA dating scene with no relief in sight. I subscribed to EMK’s email newsletter at some point for a different perspective, and while I can’t say I bought into it all that much or that it helped me meet my husband, I can say from retrospect & experience that there is merit to what EMK is trying to do. I sometimes still read through some of his dating emails when they wind up in my inbox to see if I agree with what he’s saying now that I’m happily married. And for the most part, where he is suggesting picky women like you (and me) need to cast of nets wider and give men who percievably don’t meet everyone one of our criteria a chance. When EMK & other “dating coach” type folks (sorry, I mock that title because I am a clinical psychologist & practicing therapist for a caseload of 90+ clients) suggest we “soften up & play up or more feminine side” to potential dates, or when they gripe on about opening or minds to online dating, all they’re really trying to say is that in order to get positive results in dating, we need to change our energy (aka thoughts, words, perceptions, behaviors) to allow positive change room to trashed fruit. As Einstein once said, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting a different outcome. ” When I was single and dating in LA, I only fated men with healthcare degrees, who often were dating several other women. If they didn’t seem like a challenge, I wasn’t into them. If they drove a shitty car or called me too much, I was on to the next. But a few days after my 33rd bday, I got really sick and angry about it all. I remember talking to my girlfriend on the phone and saying out loud, “I want to cast my net wider and date guys outside of my typical dating mold because doing it this way has kept me single.” I didn’t just say the words, I felt my energy shift as I envisioned what casting my net wider in dating might look like. This shifted the energy in my life just enough so that less than 3 weeks after I decided to open my mind more in dating, I met my husband. He didn’t have a career in medicine and he didn’t drive a flashy car, but none of that shit really mattered then and it still doesn’t now because we are so perfect for each other and he meets my basic criteria. Where I decided I didn’t need my potential date to be in medicine, he did need a college degree and a career. Where I no longer needed my date to have a flashy car, I did need him to have a car so he can pick me up and be the gentleman. I can say now that if I hadn’t opened my heart , shifted my energy and decided to stop fighting against things that felt counter-intuitive to me I’d still be single and likely posting bitter ass blogs about it like you. Stop hating and being so negative because it’s not serving you. Start thinking about some positive risks you can take in your dating life to shift your energy and bring forth positive change. Just my 2 cents (which typically costs my therapy clients minimum $200/hr;). May peace, love and happiness be with you! =-)
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Miranda said:
I’m sorry you had such a shitty dating life before your marriage. It’s not very logical for you to project your shit onto other people, though. Thanks for your comment. If you ever comment on my blog again kindly break your rambling into paragraphs.
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Jay D Kaputski said:
Ms. Happy, Glad that EMK led you to your No shit Sherlock dating success when you became less fixated on some very rigid criteria.
Did you hire some guru to help you to figure out your mother is a woman? Maybe like for $200/hr?
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Jen said:
Dear Happy,
I will accept your perspective on Mr. Katz’s teachings if you can do the following:
Please show me at least five places on his blog where he encourages men to widen their nets and broaden their tastes to the same degree and with the same language as he does this with women. Seems the case to me that he’s part of a school of thought that if anything, is teaching men to judge women’s worthiness to date through an increasingly narrow perspective. He congratulates himself for overcoming a boundary and dating someone older, but she’s only older by two years, which is statistically irrelevant.
Other than that, what else is there?
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Nick said:
I am a guy and don’t agree with Ewan that a woman should be passive and wait for the guy to make a move. I don’t know of any guy who would not be flattered if a girl approaches him and and starts a conversation. I do like Ewan’s advice though I don’t agree with all that he says. I think we should use our own judgement and take parts of his advice which works for us. Miranda i do like reading your posts, but I don’t agree with all that you say as you will interpret things according to your beliefs and which might not necessarily be true for the rest of us.
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Miranda said:
I agree that each of us should use our own judgement. My primary complaint about people like Katz is that they aren’t just giving advice for people to pick and choose as they see fit, they are perpetuating and normalizing a mentality that is deeply harmful to women. As in, women die every single day at the hands of men who believe this shit. That’s not okay.
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Elle said:
I would like to ask all of you who are opposed to EMK advice, are you happily married, in a relationship or single and daring and looking?
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Miranda said:
I’ll consider answering that question if you can convince me that it’s relevant to my critique of him.
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Elle said:
With that response I have the answer. IF you were happily in a relationship or married, you would not be angry, bitter, argumentative or negative. Either Evan doesn’t know how to communicate his message effectively, or woman are clueless and blind to fact and truth. In any successful realtionship there has to be a male and female role. It doesn’t necessarily mean than the man has to be the male energy, if there is a strong woman, she can be the male energy, and the man can be the female energy is more passive. Any realtionship expert will conquer. Forever single woman do not understand men and how to have them fall madly passionately in love with you and give you your every desire. I can assure you that Evan worships his wife and gives her everything she wants, they cherish and respect each other and make each other happy. Only bitter single masculine women will never get it or be happy in a realtionship. Don’t bother to respond as I have no interest in your reply and will not read it or participate.
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Miranda said:
” I can assure you that Evan worships his wife and gives her everything she wants, they cherish and respect each other and make each other happy. ”
I’m curious to know how you can make such an absolute statement about a relationship that you aren’t part of. Are you one half of that particular relationship by any chance, “Ellen”? Heh. Because I have a sneaking suspicion that you might be. In any case, I never commented on EMKs personal relationship with his wife, nor have I ever claimed that he doesn’t treat her well. I don’t give a shit about his personal life or how he treats his wife. As you can see from the blog post, I’m interested in his dating advice and examining the different ways the mentality he endorses affects the individuals who follow said advice.
The rest of your shit really isn’t even worth responding to because there is zero logic in your assertions about men and women and relationships. It’s idiotic to think your cute little binary of masculine and feminine “energy” isn’t necessary for the success of the relationships we have with friends, loved ones, and colleagues, but somehow for some magical reason, it simply must be applied to our intimate relationships in order for them to work. Right. Ok.
I think what you’re really saying is basically code for, one person in the relationship (and let’s not kid ourselves,you really expect this person to be the man) gets to go out into the world, earn the money, and gets to have a career, a life, and financial autonomy and control while the other partner makes all that possible by staying home (and being completely reliant on the man for economic security) in order to run the household and take care of the children. And hey, as any working single mother knows, life would certainly be easier if we had someone available at our beck and call to make sure the kids were taken care of and the house wasn’t being neglected. I get that. But the reality is that two-parent homes aren’t necessarily going to be the norm in our society again unless women are (once again) all but forced by external factors such as harsh divorce laws and strict social norms to stay in unhappy and/or abusive marriages. And going back to what I said about the necessity of applying this dominant/submissive bullshit paradigm only to intimate relationships in order to make them work, I suppose it does work insofar as its proponents are able to brainwash women into voluntarily giving up their independence and power for the men in their lives and thus rendering themselves completely reliant on their husbands for survival and unable to leave abusive or unhappy marriages.
And this, perhaps, is the point, no?
If femininity just came naturally to women and masculinity just came naturally to men (the way your dumbass ilk claims they do), then we wouldn’t need relationship coaches admonishing us to perform these roles in order to get and keep a partner because we would already naturally be doing these things. So your “reasoning” undermines itself. Your dating advice is a FAIL.
There is no such thing as feminine energy. Nor is ‘masculine energy’ something that actually exists, and you should feel silly for believing and perpetuating something so absurd.
“Don’t bother to respond as I have no interest in your reply and will not read it or participate.”
The arrogance in this comment is so absurdly funny that it almost makes me like you. Just kidding, I still think you’re an ignorant douche.
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Miranda said:
“With that response I have the answer. IF you were happily in a relationship or married, you would not be angry, bitter, argumentative or negative.”
Oh. And not only is this some of the dumbest shit I’ve heard all day, your attempt to disparage female singlehood and then use that like it’s some kind of way to insult me was a wasted effort. You are projecting onto me an insecurity that I don’t have. Find another angle.
Or save yourself further embarrassment and stick to your self-imposed gag order. Either works for me.
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Andrea McDowell said:
Thank you for this, Miranda. EMK is a misogynistic asshole.
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Miranda said:
You’re welcome, and yes he is!
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Elle said:
Guide to Dating Experts
Here is some of the good, bad, and the ugly of what I’ve found.
To learn more about my research, as well as my own 11-step guide for finding love, visit my blog post at: Dating Advice from Schmucks
So here they are, in no particular order, the love experts I’ve researched who advise women on how to get that ever-important engagement ring:
Expert: Christian Carter
Pro: He’s very good looking, so I watched many of his videos. He brings in a lot of additional experts in his rather comprehensive program, and through his videos, I learned a lot about these other dating coaches and their philosophies.
Con: He seems to know a lot of extremely commitment-phobic men which clearly shapes his advice and world view. We all know that one guy who will date a girl exclusively for a year and act like she’s not his girlfriend, or that guy who will NEVER marry that girl he’s been living with for 10+ years, despite her pleads for him to do so. Thankfully, these guys are anomalies, but Christian is very heavy-handed about this and offers many examples. In fact, he’s added relationship phases before exclusivity even occurs to let women know what kind of hoops they have to jump through before a guy will even consider getting locked into a committed relationship.
This may be the truth, but it’s sad because it seems Mr. Carter may be a commitment–phobe himself. He shows women how to navigate through various stages of commitment by telling them how to be fun and playful – enticing enough to marry. But he’s not married. In some of his clips he discusses how he has a long-term girlfriend. Apparently his girlfriend does not follow his advice.
Expert: Rori Raye
Pro: If you know Christian Carter, you know Rori Raye, as they are constantly promoting each other and holding workshops with many different subject matter experts. She also has an impressive program that even covers body language and voice – which I really dug, as her techniques helped make my voice less grating when chirping out jokes over loud club music. Where Rori really shines is with her communication advice, teaching women how navigate conflicts and use them as opportunities to make their relationships stronger.
She’s also one of the few dating experts who has a personal life that backs up her advice. She tells tales about her disastrous single life and how she turned things around and now follows her own advice to strengthen her 20+ year marriage.
Con: Some of her techniques are a bit silly and oversold, like using a relaxation method where you writhe around pretending to be seaweed. She heavily promotes a body stance she calls the “dance position,” which is basically a woman leaning back in a relaxed posture. In doing so, she claims, men will be drawn to you like a magnet. I leaned back in a lot of bars and still had to buy my own drinks. Frankly, I found leaning forward worked better, especially on nights I wore a push-up bra.
Worst of all, she promotes her concept of “Circular Dating,” and in doing so advises her followers to date several men (at least 3) all at the same time. “You accept the date with the man who calls first, and do not shuffle times or even think about manipulating the schedule in order to get dates with the man you like best.” This is perfectly fine, except that she advises women to do this up until a man proposes marriage. Seriously.
I’m actually surprised she and Christian Carter get along so well. He has many, many different levels of commitment, and she only seems to have one.
Expert: Patti Stanger (aka Millionaire Matchmaker)
Pro: I love, love, love Patti. Her show is one of my favorites, and if she put some glitter on a piece of poo, I would likely buy it. Her advice of not having sex before monogamy saved my life, since I absolutely suck at casual sex and become overly emotionally bonded to guys I sleep with.
Con: Look, I hate to keep harping on this point, but I think the personal love life of dating experts is an important factor. I don’t believe in the old adage of “doctors make the worst patients.” I would never promote a writing workshop with “Come to my writting class course and be taught on how to write good.”
In 2003, Patti started dating Andy Friedman, a real-estate executive whom she met through another matchmaker. He proposed in 2009, but then they broke up in 2010. In 2012 she started dating a mortgage broker named David Krause. As I write this in April 2015, they are still not married. I give you this information for only one reason: She sells a video called “Married in a Year.” She tells women that if they follow her advice, they will be proposed to within one year. Patti is a woman who clearly wants to be married. Why can’t she follow her own advice?
Expert: Steve Harvey
Pro: He’s funny and frank, and he’s perhaps the most entertaining dating guru you’ll find. He thinks he’s special in this field because he’s a man, but roughly half the dating coaches you will find are men.
Con: He’s on his third marriage and has clearly made some profound mistakes in his life. He should advise men on how to avoid these mistakes and treat women better, but as he astutely points out “men wouldn’t read it.” He also paints a rather negative picture of the male mind and their likelihood of cheating, a subject he’s apparently an expert in, according to his second ex-wife, whom he cheated on and left homeless. I guess she didn’t follow his 90-day rule and had sex with him within three months of their courtship. If that’s the case, the slut got what she deserved.
Expert: Evan Marc Katz
Pro: He’s probably the smartest dating coach out there for women. He doesn’t rely on gimmicks, he has an amazing blog, and his backstory is awesome. He was a self-proclaimed “mediocre” comedy writer who dated a ton of women, learned a lot in the process, and snagged a great wife. If you are a single woman looking to better understand men, or just looking for some funny reads and frank observations, visit his website.
Con: He offers a wide variety of books, programs, and personal counseling, some of which is very expensive. But honestly, it’s hard to find fault with this guy. Dammit.
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Miranda said:
“If that’s the case, the slut got what she deserved.”
Seriously? Fuck you. Get the fuck off my blog you asshole.
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Elle said:
What a delightful human being you are. You don’t need any dating advice. Any man would do anything to be with someone so eloquent and obviously beautiful and charming like yourself.
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Miranda said:
You’re like a deranged robot stuck on repeat. Someone needs to smack the shit out of you to get you back on track. Or shut you up.
I prefer #2.
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Miranda said:
Elle, you will not get the last word here. Give it up. Any more replies from you will go in the spam folder.
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Elle said:
What a delightful human being you are. You don’t need any dating advice. Any man would do anything to be with someone so eloquent and obviously beautiful and charming like yourself
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Miranda said:
Good, you finally understand. Didn’t I tell you to get off my blog?
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Elle said:
What I understand is that you can’t handle the facts and truth, that you are a miserable angry nasty ugly excuse for a human being, who I pity and know that karma is sweet and u will get what you deserve! I will not get off your blog or take orders from the likes of you. Go to hell!! Bitch!
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Miranda said:
Of course you will get off my blog, you blathering idiot. I have the power here, not you. Sorry:(
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Nychoho said:
In Australia, most men seem terrified to approach a woman. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
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Sara Vossoughi (@SurpriseSparrow) said:
I love doctor nerdlove… I love how he sees women as human beings.
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Conrad Waldorf said:
I disagree. The part where men are insecure about women who are more successful or taller is because women do in fact judge men harshly on their finances and physical appearance. Most men don’t care how successful a woman is, or even how tall – it’s the ladies who refuse to date men under a certain income and/or height.
Older women seem to be particularly fixated on income when it’s really about the fact that successful men have younger choices and unsuccessful men don’t make the cut. And don’t just blame these men and act like these tight-bodied 23-year-old girls don’t have their own brains to choose men, because they consciously DO allow older, successful men to court them.
Younger women have height requirements that are quite unrealistic in that their looks factor into how successful they are with attracting above average men, because he will have choices.
Women may be human beings, but their requirements lists keep men at arms length, leaving room for bad relationships with assertive men with bad habits, and the sad reality that high-quality men have plenty to choose from.
On the male side, same deal: If you’re an average looking male with an average salary and average height, expect to attract a 3. If you’re tall bump that up to 6. If you’re good-looking and tall, grab an 8. If you have an above average salary, decent looking, tall and have some clout, expect to have any girl you want not trying to make a statement. Confidence is a byproduct of success that comes from an above-average trait women find desirable. An ugly man with confidence will fair no better than an ugly man without.
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Susan Nunes said:
In case you haven’t seen a picture of EMK’s wife:
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sunflowerpower said:
Yep, just what I’d expect. She’ll divorce him eventually then complain of the same things real women do once she starts dating other men. She’s the Alpha in that household and the breadwinner. Believe it. Her 9 to 5 work subsidizes his misogyny. And I will bet cold hard cash she is a doppelganger for his mother.
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Sarah said:
Love your blog post! You are absolutely right. Every time I visit EMK’s site I just end up being pissed the hell off at his raging misogyny and his verbal abuse of women who don’t roll over for him. F*** that sh**.
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dark of the stars said:
Wow, am I late to this party. But thanks for throwing it!
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Brenda said:
I just want to say thank you, Miranda! EMK is no dating “expert” indeed. The only thing he has expertise in is making women feel like shit, so that they will buy his dubious products. I wonder if he has a degree in marketing? I’m never going on EMK’s website again. I learned my lesson when I posted something that criticized his misinformation, and got responses that were so ridiculous, nonsensical, and defensive that I quickly realized that it was quite futile posting there. There is no point in arguing with a narcissist, because they are eternally right…in their eyes (and in the eyes of their gaggle of worshipers) only.
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Erika said:
I too am late to the party but I have to say thank you, thank you, thank you for this post!
I just turned 30 and am ready to get back into dating after a couple of long term relationships that didn’t work out. I’ve reflected on my mistakes, grown more mature and am now feeling like I can do things a ton better this time round. Of course, EMK and his advice are always top in Google search pages, so that is where I went, and wow… I was optimistic before about my chances of finding a great boyfriend, but after reading some of his advice and the comments below, I have never felt so utterly depressed about my singleness.
There are two things that irritate me about EMK, the first one being that he says that ‘happily married’ is always better than ‘happily single’, and that life is somewhat worthless for women without marriage and kids. I personally would like both, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to find both meaning and happiness in my life if that doesn’t happen. Florence Nightingale and Mother Teresa, anyone? EMK doing absolute fearmongering at its worse.
The second is that a great deal of his advice is sometimes very damaging. The post that really did it for me is when he criticised a girl who wrote him a letter because she was upset that her boyfriend was sneakily seeing his ex behind her back – because she should trust him no matter what. Well, newsflash, I tried the whole submissive and accepting feminine thing with one ex myself, and lo and behold he cheated on me multiple times, including with his ex. There are many great men out there, but this overly passive and accepting ‘feminine’ stuff greenlights some terrible behaviour from other not-so-nice men. His ‘advice’ could mean that the poor girl is wasting years of her life on a real scumbag because she ‘should trust him’!
Of course self-reflection when dating and reading some advice will help, but if that advice is dragging you down, making you feel miserable and desperate, and like your worth as a human is defined by your marital status and how many of your eggs have been fertilised, then that is some real toxicity to avoid. I should also mention that I know many, MANY unconventional couples in real life, none of them fit EMK’s advice or ideas of ‘how things are’ whatsoever. Be happy, be yourself, make the most of life and don’t buy the snake oil!
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wbotb said:
First, let me start by saying that you are awesome. I run into EMK blogs the same way you do. Today I got so fed up with his superiority complex that I googled, “Evan Marc Katz is a dick” lol! It led me to your blog and I really enjoyed reading your impression of him. He likes to paint women as these little victims that will get stranded by men if we sleep with them too soon. I enjoy the D way too much to part with sex for a relationship that will only wind up being on the man’s terms.
Like you say, all men are different and all women are different. This restricting behaviors to genders is truly unhealthy. He’s telling us that what men feel naturally is normal and makes them men, but what women feel naturally is misguided and that we must go against our nature, taking on this false nature which has been created by the old society while men get to embrace theirs. Gets me so friggin mad!!! Well I’ll be putting on those knee high boots to walk through the shit he fills his blog with. I don’t care how sarcastic his replies are. As long as other women there get to read what I have to say, even if I can get the attention of just one.
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LMOA said:
Let’s be honest. EMK is a professional troll. Nothing more. I’d bet my life that at least 75% of posts in the comments section are fake. There are just too many too-perfect caricature types who conveniently reinforce his message. most comments seem to come from an unusual not-found-in-nature plethora of:
-women self indentifying as Asian aways ready to tell all the unmanly career women why they don’t have a man (because of course every man wants a docile, subservient Asian woman…)
-skittish divorcees who can’t stop talking about how scared they are to be single again (does this actually ring true among any middle aged divorcee you know in 2017???)
-self proclaimed alpha males agreeing with EMK’s every word (I’ll let you all come to your own conclusions about how alpha a guy who hangs out on a dating blog for middle age women is…)
And the occasional manopherian troll spewing just enough red pill misogyny to allow EMK to play the hero and defend women from these bad men so his gullible followers think he actually has fucks to give about them.
That shit is so cringey obvious it makes me want to vomit.
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LMOA said:
*”unfeminine career women” was what I meant to type…
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Sigman said:
Got here pretty much the same way wbotb did.
EMK is pretty much an internet huckster, don’t step on his cherished prejudices, I mean con pitches.
Always boggled my mind how a guy who dated lots of women has any insight into men, and in particular the successful, smart, confident got it all together men his clients want. He wasn’t that, maybe he is now, but hell his backstory paints him as a shallow douche.
He gives such bad advice, basically good to get you an insecure man who will passively aggressive treat you as a second class human.
He does not give advice to get an equal partner.
He’s basically telling women to operate on gender stereotypes by stoking their fears.
Believe it that he is just as offensive to men, he white knights a bit to better slip in his views of women that undermine them and push them into 1950’s gender roles. He offers a simplistic vision, such visions always sell to the desperate and undecerning.
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Sigman said:
Oh wbotb
EMK likes to think he knows what men feel naturally, especially the good ones his clients want but he has no clue.
The good ones his clients want don’t think the way he does with his simplistic gender stereotypes.
But hey if someonr wants a wanker like EMK by all means follow his advice after he takes your money.
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radical redhead said:
Great article!
I just happened to stumble upon an Evan Marc Katz blog. I was reading the advice he had self righteously given to a woman (who wrote much better than he did incidentally) and was amazed by his reply. “What a douchebag!” I thought to myself. Which lead me to your blog.
I’ve transitioned from male to female. I’m post op transsexual. I pass, my friends and family accept me. I’ve dated. But I’m still having problems when it comes to finding something meaningful however.
I think about it all the time… The problem of the Patriarchy and misogyny. Homophobia is also part of the dynamic. It’s used as a weapon against men by women. Some women need to understand just how they are perpetuating a toxic cycle by using misogyny and homophobia against men. But that’s another subject…
When it comes to dating I’ve stayed single because I won’t tolerate sexism or misogyny. The number of times I’ve been sent an unsolicited dick pic I can’t count. Some of the messages I’ve received from men have been disgusting and degrading. One guy introduced himself with: “will you sit on my face?”, another with: “would you be interested in making some cash? I will pay you for an hour of unprotected sex”. Then there are the married men or the players. The narcissists etc… The list goes on.
When it comes to spotting them, the misogynists are fairly easy to spot because they explode into a rage if you dare turn them down. And here’s the thing – throughout my whole history of interactions with men on online dating sites I have always been polite – never rude.
It’s very depressing. I could remain single for the rest of my life. I’d love to meet a nice guy but I won’t put up with sexism or misogyny, I’d rather stay single. I’m simply not used to it. I enjoyed automatic respect in my previous life.
There are some great guys out there, I do firmly believe that, but how does one meet them? No dating advice gurus, especially dating advice sites on YouTube etc want to tackle the issue of misogyny. It’s too dark. They want to keep their channels upbeat and happy. But the issue of misogyny needs to be addressed. Women need to protect themselves.
The best advice I can I can think of to give anyone (male or female) is to read the book ‘Men Who Hate Women and The Women Who Love Them’.
Thank you for your blog.
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sosickofit said:
Yeah, this guy is trouble. He’s apparently got opinions about how rape victims ought to…er…get over it, too: http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/sex/is-rape-the-worst-thing-that-can-happen-to-a-woman/
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AnOnyMiss said:
I used to think that he had good advice and truly wanted to help people, but now I see what he’s really about.
A lot of what is being said about him here is the truth. I saw it firsthand when he responded to a couple of my comments in a very abusive way, when I wasn’t even talking to him at all!
He only somewhat “apologized” after the other guy who moderates the site told him to chill.
EMK strikes me as somebody who is needlessly hostile and full of aggression when he perceives disagreement from others.
He lacks reading comprehension skills, so what qualifies him to give advice on anything? He is quick to react with hostility and slow to consider what others are saying. Nope, he would rather launch into personal attacks, especially if you’re a woman who dares to say anything he doesn’t like.
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jacksonbrown7 said:
I agree, I listened to EMK and completely responds to comments in a defensive, passive aggressive tone. He doesn’t know how to take constructive criticism, and he needs to learn how to evolve in life. EMK needs to do work on himself and see a therapist.
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Kristen said:
I’m really late to the party, but I’ve read his b.s to and only women with no dating experience at all would buy into this crap.He is basically a red piller dating coach for men, not women.And he looks like the type of dude I used to reject in college, total “ beta” male.What a douche!!.
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jacksonbrown7 said:
I came across this thread because I listened to some EMK videos and this guy is a passive aggressive narcissist. He continually says in his videos “he settled for his wife” as she wasn’t what he was looking for – I wonder if she feels the same about him? He reminds me of a neurotic Woody Allen with major unresolved childhood issues and unhealed trauma. There are much male better dating coaches who are authentic, evolved and give real dating advice.
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