Soooo….about that Evan Marc Katz fella (remember him? I first subjected you to him here). So the other day I decided to visit his blog to see what the heck he was up to. Which, as it turns out, is quite a bit because Mister Fella posts a lot. Anyhoo, in my introductory post on the little guy, I may or may not have done a sufficient job of explaining his philosophy. As luck would have it, he recently posted this helpful piece for the purpose of whining to his meanie readers about their meanieness clarifying said philosophy for his readership. Yay for us! So let’s get started, shall we?
This is as fun a place to start as any, I suppose.
So, if the questions I take are carefully selected to maximize the value of my advice – because validation doesn’t make for interesting reading – it should be somewhat predictable that my answers are often going to challenge the premise of the woman in question.
And if you’ve been reading awhile, you know that these answers fall into largely two broad camps:
1) Dump him 2) Accept him.
First, just for the fun of it, I simply must point out the part where he says that validation doesn’t make for interesting reading. This is funny because if you hang out in the comments section of his blog for longer than about three minutes or so, you’ll notice that occasionally one of his readers will call him out on his bullshit, and what you’ll notice immediately thereafter is a petulant response by him that if you disagree with anything he says, then you’re just being difficult and what are you doing on his blog in the first place if you’re just going to be all disagree-y about stuff? Not that this is really relevant at all but it gives yours truly quite a giggle nonetheless. And I like to giggle, so thanks, guy!
As for the rest of it, he’s not really lying when he says that the purpose of his blog is to teach women that if they want a man, they need to learn to accept the man they want as he is or dump him. Which I guess sounds pretty legit. You’ll get no argument from me on that point. But the problem is that he doesn’t just tell women that the menz aren’t going to change, he also paints all men with the same brush, acts as though the performance of “masculinity” is a good, necessary, and inevitable thing when you have a penis, and regularly admonishes the same women that they must change in order attract and keep the very men that they are told on the regular to blindly accept. And therein lies the problem. As he reminds us here, in a post titled The Secret to Keeping a Man; Forget the Past and Enjoy the Present, we do not get the luxury of just being ourselves the way the menz do, oh nooooooo. Instead, we must perform for our prospective suitors:
But that leaves you with the same burning question: “what should I DO, Evan?”
Ah, the answer couldn’t be simpler:
Make your PRESENT so amazing that he WANTS to have a FUTURE with you.
For now, just have fun.
Laugh. Say yes. Be easygoing. Smile. Fool around. Enjoy the moment.
Hear that, ladies? Because it’s your job to make your life together amazing. It’s your job. Those getting-to-know-you issues that inevitably pop up along the way and need to be addressed? Suck it up, cupcake! Problems are no fun. Problems make his life less amazing, best to forget that they even exist. Also? What if you aren’t the easygoing type? What if you don’t want to just “say yes” all the time? What if you don’t want to smile like a goddamn robot 24/7? What if you’re not in the mood to laugh at his lameass jokes? EMK doesn’t encourage his readership to be themselves and let the chips fall where they may. Why the everloving hell not? I mean, yes, presumably his readers turn to him for advice because they want to find that special someone. But not at the expense of their authenticity. Not at the expense of who they are, fer fuck’s sake. Sure, the guy sitting across from you may be turned-off by your (GASP!) inquisitive disposition or that obligatory after-dinner belch that you just can’t keep to yourself, but so the fuck what? He should either accept you as you are, or move on, right? Right?
Oh, and lest you naively believe these rules only apply on the first couple of dates or so, you’ll see for yourself below that he still expects this shit of his wife.
And if he’s receiving texts that say, “Where are you?!” or late night calls that plead, “Where is this going?”, you’re not making him feel too good in the present.
OH SHIT! We can’t let that happen, now can we!
“My wife was ALWAYS in the present and that’s why she’s my wife. Because she enhances my life and doesn’t provide emotional drama when it’s unnecessary.”
DOUBLE SHIT! Not unnecessary emotional drama!
I’m guessing he gets to be the sole arbiter of what’s necessary and what isn’t.
I’m guessing he also gets to be the sole arbiter of what’s considered emotional drama and what gets to be treated as a legit fucking issue.
Why the goddamn hell is he trying to condition his readers to walk on eggshells around the men they want?
In this post (I realize that I’m doing quite a bit of post-jumping here, but bear with me as I make my point), titled Why don’t Men Like Smart, Strong, Successful Women? he has this to say:
But a huge reason I’m with my wife is because she spends her time loving and supporting me, not challenging me on everything from movie tickets, to travel plans, to wake up times. She’s easy, in the best sense of the word.
Because God forbid that a woman challenge his almighty authority. God forbid that she have any input in her own life. God forbid that she have any say in travel plans! God forbid that she gets to choose what time she gets up in the morning. God forbid that she be anything but easybreezybeautiful!
This is a real dilemma. You’re undoubtedly a great catch. You can teach us a thing or two. You are a go-getter and worthy of everyone’s respect. But if that go-getter side ends up emasculating your man, or makes him feel insignificant, or second-guessed, he’s not really getting what he wants out of a partner. Men want to feel masculine.
“Masculine” is a euphemism for dominant, authoritative, and in control, as EMK so aptly illustrates for us above. It’s generally best to avoid this type of man at all costs. Also note that you are not allowed to second-guess him (not if you want to keep him!).
This doesn’t mean you should play dumb, or be weak and needy,
Ummm, yes it does actually…..
no more than the nice guy should start acting like a jackass. It might mean, however, turning off some of the things that make you “successful” at work. This is a bitter pill to swallow, perhaps even a double standard. Still, it doesn’t change the fact that “hard-driving, opinionated, and meticulous” are not on most men’s lists of ideal feminine traits.
Gosh, sure sucks that men don’t want someone to challenge them [1] huh? But hey, what’re you gonna do, little lady? MEN AREN’T GOING TO CHANGE!
In EMK’s world, all men like to dominate their partners, and they want simpering, passive women in their lives who don’t challenge their authority. And instead of advising women to tell these men to go fuck themselves, EMK tells women that, unless they want to be alone forever, they need to suck it up, accept it, and literally become weak in order to attract these men. As I pointed out in my introductory post on this guy, that’s some serious patriarchial bullshit right there, and that’s why I say his stupid blog is political as all get-out.
Also? The kind of guy who wants a meek, docile, passive woman is the one who wants her to be that way so that he can steamroll right over her ass. And that’s not the guy you want. Trust your girl on this one.
Fuck “ideal feminine traits”. Fuck bitter pills. Fuck double-standards that are expected to go unchecked. And fuck you, Evan Marc Katz, for being such a loudmouth fucking douchebag.
_________________________________________________________________
[1] this is the part where I point out the obvious, which is that not all men are actually like this, because men don’t operate with a hive mind, and vary just as much in their characters, dispositions, likes, and dislikes as women do. OH THE HORROR
cupid is burning 
Are some guys really this stupid. wow
LikeLiked by 1 person
EMK is that stupid.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Agree
LikeLike
You’re SO AMAZING IT’S scary.
[Fixed that one for you too. Try to do better next time.– Miranda]
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your language is off-putting and there is nothing wrong with the idea of “masculine” and “feminine”–that’s Nature’s call and it’s a lot of fun, quite frankly–but I agree with you about EMK. He is a beta male who preaches bland averageness and when I read this or that post of his about his wife’s docile, unchallenging attitudes, it has made me cringe. The whole blog is essentially Mating for Mediocrities and he wants to make sure *you* stay down. Also, comments I have posted on his site questioning his position on this or that subject have either been greeted with, as you say, petulant responses or have been deleted by him. A jackass.
LikeLike
1. Check the tone-policing at the door. That shit doesn’t fly here.
2. There’s a lot wrong with the gender binary, and no it isn’t actually natural. If it were, there would be no need for EMK and everyone else on the planet to admonish men to act more masculine and women to act more feminine. We would act out those dumb gender roles naturally. Nature doesn’t need persuasion. Not to be rude, but fucking DUH.
3. ‘Docile’ is part of the script of femininity. You’re contradicting yourself. If it makes you cringe, why are you defending it?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Masculine and Feminine are the most fundamental aspects of Nature because the things of this world, its living creatures are either male or female–you get it?
“Docile” I do not equate with feminine, but with weakness. Gracious, elegant and self-possessed are feminine traits and they go very very far with men. Try it sometime–you’ll like the result.
Your aggressiveness makes you neither witty nor sharp–but you come close to sounding like a bitter hag. You give those of us who are independent, successful and highly educated and “anti” EMK a very bad image because the narcissists such as EMK whom you decry end up having the last laugh: i.e. getting you stark raving upset.
Be a class act, dear.
LikeLike
“Masculine and Feminine are the most fundamental aspects of Nature because the things of this world, its living creatures are either male or female–you get it?”
Male and female have different bodies. The difference is biological, not emotional or mental or behavioral. Get a fucking clue dude.
“Be a class act, dear.”
Get fucked.
LikeLike
Also, there’s no such thing as a beta male human. Men are not wolves.
LikeLike
It’s a common term, albeit a silly one, to denote highly successful versus more passive men.
LikeLike
“It’s a common term, albeit a silly one, to denote highly successful versus more passive men.”
I know what it means, and it’s idiotic.
LikeLike
Oh dear God…there’s no such thing as a ‘beta’ male or an ‘alpha’ male. Everybody is equal.
And no there isn’t a broad line between masculine and feminine. There are plenty of men who like roles that would have been seen as traditionally feminine and vice versa. The whole dichotomy is a nonsense.
LikeLike
The (il)logic of EMK is revealed by you in all of its insidious, consumerist glory, that is females have a need for the male, but males aren’t going to change, so female must “learn” how to change. hmmmm Perhaps consumerism is a euphemism for pornography. In fact, I believe it is what makes those who promote it in any of it’s wormlike guises – Mr. EMK or Ms. Rah-Rah-Rah – self-indulgent, greedy, filthy, lying pimps. They fulfill a need in you (for shelter, food in the prostitutes case and for companionship in the female seeking male case) but you are required to sell your soul in the process. These are not just women-haters but misanthorpes. They disserve humankind, all genders. Thanks for telling it like it is, Miranda. Go girl!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you, and I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said!
Thanks for stopping by!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Evan is a beta-male. A man who cannot stand up to a challenging women is of course a beta. Alpha men love challenges. I know that cause I am one.
LikeLike
LOL of course you are.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Pingback: An ode to all the hatazz | cupid is burning
Yes, EMK is a beta male, but tries to sell himself as an alpha male…NOT. He is living a fantasy life vicariously through his blog/advice as if it were really his life. I believe he was a beta male that could never gets dates & finally settled for a woman in his late 30’s after searching hopelessly for over a decade for a super hot trophy wife, like the ones he claims to have dated…(never). And now tries to sell the idea of dating men you’re not physically attracted to because that is what he wished would have happened to him when he was dating, that some hottie would actually date him even though he’s not attractive. I give him credit though for building a blog that people actually read, but I think that’s partly because it’s such absolute bull shit that people read just to see what he’ll say next that is ridiculous!! Like the advice he gave to a woman that was upset her husband had strippers at his bachelor party & he came home with marker all over his ass & when she asked him about it he wouldn’t tell her anything. EMK’s was, “trust him & don’t ask any questions & let him do what ever the hell he wants to do without questioning anything, ever & quit being insecure”…HA. That’s basically his advice in a nutshell about 99% of the time. Great job EMK!!!
LikeLike
Yep. Defies all logic, doesn’t it?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I couldn’t have said it better myself. You have summed up all that is wrong with his blog and backed it up with evidence. His advice is reminiscent of advice given to women in the past, such as those now laughable manuals from the 1940s and 50s that told women that they needed to look beautiful, have dinner cooked and be in a cheerful, free and easy mood by the time their husband’s got home (found an example of an actual manual here: http://motifmagazine.wordpress.com/2011/01/31/1950s-housewife-rules/)
Heaven forbid you’re having an off day, don’t look your best and the dinner got delayed! Bad bad wife, it’s not about you it’s all about him! Men are the rulers and you are just there to look pretty and cook things remember! What’s scary is how some of those women reading his blog seem to take in what he says and somewhat depressingly humbly thank him, like a slave thanking its master for a beating. Women have been fed this type of patriarchal dogma since the beginning of time. Thank god some of us have some sense to question it.
LikeLiked by 2 people
This comment wins the internets for the day.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Last month EMK posted a meme that resonated in me. I don’t recall the exact message, but it was about what a woman should do to keep a man, regarding honesty, something that would be equally applicable to a man keeping a woman. I responded that I liked the meme, but that men should abide by it as well (as my recent former boyfriend came to mind as the antithesis of honesty). I said it in the nicest, least offensive way, and he came at me like a wolf, saying that it was his Facebook post and that I was basically ruining his message. I was floored! I had concerned buying his recent materials, but no longer.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep, that doesn’t surprise me at all. Masculine men like him don’t like it when women second guess his dumbass.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Its not that men dont like to be second guessed, it is just modern day women have this idea that everything a men says has to be second guessed.
TV tells us men are simpletons like Al Bundy or Homer Simpson and it is the quite unassuming wife who needs to come along and talk the big ape down from the tower before he hurts himself.
LikeLike
You know, I’m getting pretty tired of seeing this silly nonsense about how men on TV are portrayed as clueless idiots. A few men on a few TV shows does not a trend make. Look at The History Channel. Or The Learning Channel. Or Spike TV. Or just about any other television network. Know what you will see? Reality series after reality series of Men portrayed as smart, capable, commanding and stable people. Compare that to the women. Shows like The Real Housewives, Bridezillas, Toddlers and Tots (ect FOREVER) portray women as vapid, shallow, selfish assholes. So spare me the MRA tirade about how men are disrespected. It’s bullshit, and I don’t entertain bullshit around here.
And you know what? Look at the wives of those TV baffoons. Are they as unkempt and simple as their spouses? In the real world many of them would be, but the men on TV are still somehow entitled to hot, doting wives. If we are going to be concerned about the message these shows sends, I’m more concerned about the way these portrayals foster an already overarching sense of entitlement that men have to not just women, but only the hottest and fittest women. So let’s talk about that, shall we?
LikeLiked by 3 people
Yeah Miranda…he’s not masculine. He looks and sounds like he was a dorky kid who didn’t get laid until he was in his 30s, and makes his living by repackaging other people’s dating advice and pretending it’s his. I’m actually attracted to bookish geeky guys and even I look at him and go, yeah, I don’t see it. I’m guessing there must be a trust fund or a huge schlong that keeps Mrs Katz around.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I find his advice very dated. By all means, you cannot change a man, but then why should you change ‘you’. I’m single and independent, I’m quite smart, am in no way wealthy but I stand on my own two feet. Why shouldn’t I be proud of these things? Why the heck would I, or women like me ‘dumb down’ to impress men. If they can’t handle a strong woman who likes to take the lead from time to time, then I don’t want them. As you said, that part of his advice I get, just dump him. But I’m not playing a pink, girly damsel to attract the next one! Ok we should ‘trust’ but to not challenge his choices?!?! Please, us women are not doormats! I think I will steer clear of his advice. I let my ex do what he wanted, he chased me, adored me etc, but it still wasn’t right in the long run. It ain’t always what it seems on paper.
LikeLiked by 1 person
you cant have tv dramas and comedies without a full spectrum of characters and representations of humanity. and some humans are dimwits.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pingback: Dating “expert” Evan Marc Katz is concern trolling you | cupid is burning
As a man, I can’t take people like EMK seriously.
The man has the veneer of a used car salesman. In fact, that is basically what he is. He bills himself as a dating coach. However, his entire message is basically a sales pitch designed to sell books and snare speaking engagements.
Traditionally, the best way to lie or deceive is to tell the truth on all of the unimportant points. He does this by throwing out a few “pearls” of wisdom which few people would disagree with. Then he builds a whole pile of BS around these that are designed to appeal to a specific audience.
All you have to do is to read the comments on his blog to get an idea who this is. For a “dating coach” that is supposedly marketing his services to single women, a huge percentage of the commenters on his blog and reviews of his books are men. Interestingly, they seem to be of the angry sort (MRA’s and even the occasional MGTOW loser).
Personally, I don’t understand men like this. I have not had much luck with women myself. But that is my own doing. I tend to be a bit selfish and commitment shy.
But why do such men get angry and defensive?
That is wasted energy. I prefer to avoid dealing with people like this
LikeLiked by 2 people
Lady, I think I love you. I had a recent brush with this creature online and his collective of lackeys. I actually think the lackeys are more pathetic than he is.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Assuming the lackeys are even real. I’m not convinced.
LikeLike
I just started reading your blog, Miranda. thank you, it’s just what I needed. I found this web page because I had suspected the mainstream feminine/masculine energy dating advice to be bullshit. getting a headache now and my eyes are blurred because the information here is so vast and I spent hours reading it. Would definitely add my opinion once I have more time.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It IS bullshit! Demeaning as hell to women!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for this site. I’m glad to meet all of you.
Jean
LikeLike
This SO needed saying, thank you. The likes of EMK’s fearmongering claptrap make dating appear far more scary and pressurised than it should be. And forcing yourself to be more accepting of sh*tty behaviour does NOT work, you will be steamrolled over and miserable for the rest of your life. I speak from experience. If I never find a nice guy who treats me as well as I treat him I’ll happily take 20 cats instead. With that said, like you said, there are all sorts of different male personalities out there, I can’t see why with a bit of effort people won’t be able to find someone who is a good match sooner or later, without changing themselves.
LikeLike
Miranda you are so right! I always thought the same about EMK and his misogynist attitude and blog, thank you for describing it perfectly, and hopefully some of his fans would be more critic about his non sense.
LikeLike