Soooo….about that Evan Marc Katz fella (remember him? I first subjected you to him here). So the other day I decided to visit his blog to see what the heck he was up to. Which, as it turns out, is quite a bit because Mister Fella posts a lot. Anyhoo, in my introductory post on the little guy, I may or may not have done a sufficient job of explaining his philosophy. As luck would have it, he recently posted this helpful piece for the purpose of
whining to his meanie readers about their meanieness clarifying said philosophy for his readership. Yay for us! So let’s get started, shall we?
This is as fun a place to start as any, I suppose.
So, if the questions I take are carefully selected to maximize the value of my advice – because validation doesn’t make for interesting reading – it should be somewhat predictable that my answers are often going to challenge the premise of the woman in question.
And if you’ve been reading awhile, you know that these answers fall into largely two broad camps:
1) Dump him 2) Accept him.
First, just for the fun of it, I simply must point out the part where he says that validation doesn’t make for interesting reading. This is funny because if you hang out in the comments section of his blog for longer than about three minutes or so, you’ll notice that occasionally one of his readers will call him out on his bullshit, and what you’ll notice immediately thereafter is a petulant response by him that if you disagree with anything he says, then you’re just being difficult and what are you doing on his blog in the first place if you’re just going to be all disagree-y about stuff? Not that this is really relevant at all but it gives yours truly quite a giggle nonetheless. And I like to giggle, so thanks, guy!
As for the rest of it, he’s not really lying when he says that the purpose of his blog is to teach women that if they want a man, they need to learn to accept the man they want as he is or dump him. Which I guess sounds pretty legit. You’ll get no argument from me on that point. But the problem is that he doesn’t just tell women that the menz aren’t going to change, he also paints all men with the same brush, acts as though the performance of “masculinity” is a good, necessary, and inevitable thing when you have a penis, and regularly admonishes the same women that they must change in order attract and keep the very men that they are told on the regular to blindly accept. And therein lies the problem. As he reminds us here, in a post titled The Secret to Keeping a Man; Forget the Past and Enjoy the Present, we do not get the luxury of just being ourselves the way the menz do, oh nooooooo. Instead, we must perform for our prospective suitors:
But that leaves you with the same burning question: “what should I DO, Evan?”
Ah, the answer couldn’t be simpler:
Make your PRESENT so amazing that he WANTS to have a FUTURE with you.
For now, just have fun.
Laugh. Say yes. Be easygoing. Smile. Fool around. Enjoy the moment.
Hear that, ladies? Because it’s your job to make your life together amazing. It’s your job. Those getting-to-know-you issues that inevitably pop up along the way and need to be addressed? Suck it up, cupcake! Problems are no fun. Problems make his life less amazing, best to forget that they even exist. Also? What if you aren’t the easygoing type? What if you don’t want to just “say yes” all the time? What if you don’t want to smile like a goddamn robot 24/7? What if you’re not in the mood to laugh at his lameass jokes? EMK doesn’t encourage his readership to be themselves and let the chips fall where they may. Why the everloving hell not? I mean, yes, presumably his readers turn to him for advice because they want to find that special someone. But not at the expense of their authenticity. Not at the expense of who they are, fer fuck’s sake. Sure, the guy sitting across from you may be turned-off by your (GASP!) inquisitive disposition or that obligatory after-dinner belch that you just can’t keep to yourself, but so the fuck what? He should either accept you as you are, or move on, right? Right?
Oh, and lest you naively believe these rules only apply on the first couple of dates or so, you’ll see for yourself below that he still expects this shit of his wife.
And if he’s receiving texts that say, “Where are you?!” or late night calls that plead, “Where is this going?”, you’re not making him feel too good in the present.
OH SHIT! We can’t let that happen, now can we!
“My wife was ALWAYS in the present and that’s why she’s my wife. Because she enhances my life and doesn’t provide emotional drama when it’s unnecessary.”
DOUBLE SHIT! Not unnecessary emotional drama!
I’m guessing he gets to be the sole arbiter of what’s necessary and what isn’t.
I’m guessing he also gets to be the sole arbiter of what’s considered emotional drama and what gets to be treated as a legit fucking issue.
Why the goddamn hell is he trying to condition his readers to walk on eggshells around the men they want?
In this post (I realize that I’m doing quite a bit of post-jumping here, but bear with me as I make my point), titled Why don’t Men Like Smart, Strong, Successful Women? he has this to say:
But a huge reason I’m with my wife is because she spends her time loving and supporting me, not challenging me on everything from movie tickets, to travel plans, to wake up times. She’s easy, in the best sense of the word.
Because God forbid that a woman challenge his almighty authority. God forbid that she have any input in her own life. God forbid that she have any say in travel plans! God forbid that she gets to choose what time she gets up in the morning. God forbid that she be anything but easybreezybeautiful!
This is a real dilemma. You’re undoubtedly a great catch. You can teach us a thing or two. You are a go-getter and worthy of everyone’s respect. But if that go-getter side ends up emasculating your man, or makes him feel insignificant, or second-guessed, he’s not really getting what he wants out of a partner. Men want to feel masculine.
“Masculine” is a euphemism for dominant, authoritative, and in control, as EMK so aptly illustrates for us above. It’s generally best to avoid this type of man at all costs. Also note that you are not allowed to second-guess him (not if you want to keep him!).
This doesn’t mean you should play dumb, or be weak and needy,
Ummm, yes it does actually…..
no more than the nice guy should start acting like a jackass. It might mean, however, turning off some of the things that make you “successful” at work. This is a bitter pill to swallow, perhaps even a double standard. Still, it doesn’t change the fact that “hard-driving, opinionated, and meticulous” are not on most men’s lists of ideal feminine traits.
Gosh, sure sucks that men don’t want someone to challenge them  huh? But hey, what’re you gonna do, little lady? MEN AREN’T GOING TO CHANGE!
In EMK’s world, all men like to dominate their partners, and they want simpering, passive women in their lives who don’t challenge their authority. And instead of advising women to tell these men to go fuck themselves, EMK tells women that, unless they want to be alone forever, they need to suck it up, accept it, and literally become weak in order to attract these men. As I pointed out in my introductory post on this guy, that’s some serious patriarchial bullshit right there, and that’s why I say his stupid blog is political as all get-out.
Also? The kind of guy who wants a meek, docile, passive woman is the one who wants her to be that way so that he can steamroll right over her ass. And that’s not the guy you want. Trust your girl on this one.
Fuck “ideal feminine traits”. Fuck bitter pills. Fuck double-standards that are expected to go unchecked. And fuck you, Evan Marc Katz, for being such a loudmouth fucking douchebag.
 this is the part where I point out the obvious, which is that not all men are actually like this, because men don’t operate with a hive mind, and vary just as much in their characters, dispositions, likes, and dislikes as women do. OH THE HORROR